Asian Men returning to homeland to find Wife

[pandamao]

I met a recent lawyer over happy hour the other day and somehow we stumbled upon this topic. This turned into a heated debate between him and I ... and in the end, he summed up, "You don't understand what a guy thinks."

I'm not a guy so more than likely I don't understand ...

Please educate me in why men do this. There's no love in this relationship. She's in it for better opportunities and he's doing it to buy love & sex.

So many divorces result from this (my family is a prime example) and it's sad that their children have to deal with this crap.

[ByTmE]

Can you elaborate on the conversation that you guys had? I mean...what advantages did he think the girls over there had that the girls over here don't? Vice versa whatever...maybe it's just easier for Asian men in general to find and marry other Asian women in the native land. I'm in America BTW. I understand that it's actually kind of hard to be an Asian guy in the West when it comes to dating ::shrugs::

Personally, my parents would rather prefer my brothers marry a girl from back home because they think she'll be more likely to stay with them...but that's only because the MoM and DaD know that girls back home are eyeballing a future sizable inheritance and thus will more likely remain faithful. That's kind of silly but whatever. Not that there aren't girls like that here...LoL Unfortunately both of my brothers prefer and are able to date Caucasian girls. No love for the Asian girls.

I tend to like guys who were born abroad but largely Western educated myself...but unfortunately they don't like me and also almost always marry a girl from back home.

[Trien Chieu]

I met a recent lawyer over happy hour the other day and somehow we stumbled upon this topic. This turned into a heated debate between him and I ... and in the end, he summed up, "You don't understand what a guy thinks."

I'm not a guy so more than likely I don't understand ...

Please educate me in why men do this. There's no love in this relationship. She's in it for better opportunities and he's doing it to buy love & sex.

So many divorces result from this (my family is a prime example) and it's sad that their children have to deal with this crap.

For guys at the bottom of the ladder, it is hard for them to find a decent girls in western countries as these decent girls go for better choice. However, when they go back to their homeland, the status of the guy is completely changing. Girls are over him. He can pick a quite good looking and decent girl. Such girls in western countries are out of his reach.

For guys who are more successful in western countries, they have many different reasons for doing so. These guys are usually in their 30s or early 40s and they want girls who are young, good looking, pure, innocent, and willing to have kids. It's hard for them to find girls with all those qualities in western countries, so they go back to their homeland to get one. My family and relatives have been encouraging me to do the same thing, something I refuse to do. For now, if I unable to find the one I love, I rather stay single.

[Trien Chieu]

Unfortunately both of my brothers prefer and are able to date Caucasian girls. No love for the Asian girls.

It should be fortunately instead of unfortunately. Good luck to your brothers.

I tend to like guys who were born abroad but largely Western educated myself...

Are you too picky??

but unfortunately they don't like me and also almost always marry a girl from back home.

Lot of guys here are like that too, I am not one of them. The reason they doing it is because when they go back there, girls are all over them. Basically, they can pick and choose the most attractive one. Anyway, who am I to judge? Everyone has his/her personal preferences.

[ByTmE]

Are you too picky??

Yes, I'm picky...because I can afford to be hahaha! I just want a nice blend of East and West together.

[Candide]

I met a recent lawyer over happy hour the other day and somehow we stumbled upon this topic. This turned into a heated debate between him and I ... and in the end, he summed up, "You don't understand what a guy thinks."

I'm not a guy so more than likely I don't understand ...

Please educate me in why men do this.

Because American born & raised women, regardless of ethnicity, are inferior marriage materials?

[pandamao]

Because American born & raised women, regardless of ethnicity, are inferior marriage materials?

no ... at least i hope not!

but i can understand what you guys are saying ... how there's an inherit difference in the level of standards sought after by different groups of women.

i do question why men don't try to improve themselves to fit into that mold though. are the standards too high and unattainable or do you think u are a good enough catch and can find yourself a trophy wife from elsewhere?

[Candide]

I don't think you understand a thing we said. Why would men want to improve themselves for worse wives?

And get rid of the shaming language like "trophy wife".

It's not just Asian American men who think that way. American women (again, regardless of ethnicity) are known all over the world as the worst wives. They can be fun to date, but marrying them is a fate you wouldn't even want to wish on your enemy.

[Ren Wo Xing]

Hey panda, I know this is an issue of some personal significance to you from prev. conversations, so I'll try to break it down as clinically as possible.

Let's say you're looking for a car, and you want a car of a certain calibre. In the US, the car not only costs a lot, but takes up too much maintenance. It breaks down all the time, its finicky about what gas it takes, the repairs are arsed expensive, etc. Oh, and it's a pain in the *** to buy...and if someone else steals your car, you lose your house as collateral. But hey, in the US, them's the works. You don't like it/aren't willing to put up with it? Tough. You aint getting it.

But let's say if you travel to Asia, you can get a nice Asian car that runs as fast (if not faster) and looks as good (if not better) than the US-made car. It doesn't take as much maintenance, it doesn't break down as often...basically, it's as good of a car, and less of a pain in the butt. And it costs less. And it's easier to close the deal.

Why in the world wouldn't you want to get the Asian car instead? Why would I want to do more work/improve myself for an inferior product?

It's not a matter of standards/maintenance; it's a matter of "bang for your buck". If I meet the standards for a girl of a certain calibre in the U.S., you can be darn sure that I meet the standards for a girl of a 'higher' calibre outside of it. Or, to put it another way, if I'm handsome and well-off and can get an "9" in the U.S., I can still do better and get a "10" overseas.

Yes, U.S. girls do have some advantages; as they are in the U.S., they can have better paying jobs, etc. But most of those advantages aren't really in areas that most guys care about. A major factor for girls in deciding on a guy is his job/stability. Vice versa isn't true.

That's not to say that there aren't issues that comes up in international marriages of course; from language issues to cultural issues, there can be plenty of roadblocks as well. But for people from whom that isn't an issue (like overseas Asians who keep up w/the culture back home) or for people are willing to work past them...

[ByTmE]

i do question why men don't try to improve themselves to fit into that mold though. are the standards too high and unattainable or do you think u are a good enough catch and can find yourself a trophy wife from elsewhere?

To fit the mold of what Asian American or Western born girls desire? Well....some would say that to accomplish thise...those Asian guys must either become a millionaire or become Caucasian...I don't really see the second one happening haha. Oh, my reference to Caucasian is because a lot of people feel that most Asian American women are more likely to "marry out" than "one of their own kind."

Iunno, gosh everyone has preferences.

They can be fun to date, but marrying them is a fate you wouldn't even want to wish on your enemy.

If Candide should ever find himself hitched to an American girl one day...dang, there is such a thing as poetic justice. That's the word I'm looking for right?

[Candide]

Doesn't have to be Asia either. My uncles married Polish and Czech women who are wonderful wives. My grandma likes them even more than her other Asian daughter-in-laws.

Western women have largely forgotten how to be feminine. Men who have the means to are voting with their feet. That's why American feminists were so quick to get IMBRA passed to salvage their market value.

[Candide]

To fit the mold of what Asian American or Western born girls desire? Well....some would say that to accomplish thise...those Asian guys must either become a millionaire or become Caucasian...I don't really see the second one happening haha. Oh, my reference to Caucasian is because a lot of people feel that most Asian American women are more likely to "marry out" than "one of their own kind."

Iunno, gosh everyone has preferences.

I'm pretty sure Asian American men marry out at a similar rate. Read a gov report a while ago.

If Candide should ever find himself hitched to an American girl one day...dang, there is such a thing as poetic justice. That's the word I'm looking for right?

Fat chance, since I'm campaigning to get both gay and straight marriages banned.

[xJadedx]

RWX, by your analogy, guys should go for European girls/cars.

Didn't read the thread though.

[KeongJai]

I reckon if you aren't married by the time you're 40, you'd start to not believe in true love and settle for a happy enough marriage.
It's not like these guys going home to find a wife are going to get any more love if they married locally. And they want a wife and want to settle down else they'd just stay single.

[xJadedx]

"Why are you reading this crap?" was the question I was asked when someone walked in on me looking through this thread again. I have to admit, they're right.

[pandamao]

Hey panda, I know this is an issue of some personal significance to you from prev. conversations, so I'll try to break it down as clinically as possible.

Let's say you're looking for a car, and you want a car of a certain calibre. In the US, the car not only costs a lot, but takes up too much maintenance. It breaks down all the time, its finicky about what gas it takes, the repairs are arsed expensive, etc. Oh, and it's a pain in the *** to buy...and if someone else steals your car, you lose your house as collateral. But hey, in the US, them's the works. You don't like it/aren't willing to put up with it? Tough. You aint getting it.

But let's say if you travel to Asia, you can get a nice Asian car that runs as fast (if not faster) and looks as good (if not better) than the US-made car. It doesn't take as much maintenance, it doesn't break down as often...basically, it's as good of a car, and less of a pain in the butt. And it costs less. And it's easier to close the deal.

Why in the world wouldn't you want to get the Asian car instead? Why would I want to do more work/improve myself for an inferior product?

It's not a matter of standards/maintenance; it's a matter of "bang for your buck". If I meet the standards for a girl of a certain calibre in the U.S., you can be darn sure that I meet the standards for a girl of a 'higher' calibre outside of it. Or, to put it another way, if I'm handsome and well-off and can get an "9" in the U.S., I can still do better and get a "10" overseas.

Yes, U.S. girls do have some advantages; as they are in the U.S., they can have better paying jobs, etc. But most of those advantages aren't really in areas that most guys care about. A major factor for girls in deciding on a guy is his job/stability. Vice versa isn't true.

That's not to say that there aren't issues that comes up in international marriages of course; from language issues to cultural issues, there can be plenty of roadblocks as well. But for people from whom that isn't an issue (like overseas Asians who keep up w/the culture back home) or for people are willing to work past them...

thank you. i appreciate you remembering our previous convos.

[Trien Chieu]

It's not just Asian American men who think that way. American women (again, regardless of ethnicity) are known all over the world as the worst wives. They can be fun to date, but marrying them is a fate you wouldn't even want to wish on your enemy.

Candide, I guess the fruit you can't get is both sour and bitter .

[Candide]

TC, it's only you who thinks dating American chicks is some kind of achievement.

Hang on, let me correct that: dating any female member of our species for you is a great achievement.

There are many many men around the world who've never been to America yet have planted American flags, myself included with a modest count, while you, born and raised there, have zero. Stop creating opportunities to embarrass yourself.

pandamao, you can compare the posts from the men (like RWX and mine) and women like xJadedx and see for yourself how you - as a woman - shouldn't bother asking other women about this topic, because they are not capable of telling you the truth.

This isn't to say that there aren't exceptions. There's one white American woman married to a Korean American I know who, despite my strict anti-marriage stance, is my idea of an ideal wife. However, they hardly make women like her anymore, and the majority are lost causes.

Btw xJadedx, that's a gigantic logic fail you had there.

[Ren Wo Xing]

Technically, TC is Canadian, I think. Which is almost the same thing, except more boring :-p jk

RWX, by your analogy, guys should go for European girls/cars.

Didn't read the thread though.

Thread is called "Asian men returning to homeland". As it refers to guys who go for Asian girls (personally, Chinese girls, preferably who speak even better Mandarin than I do), Europe and European girls hold no relevance whatsoever.

thank you. i appreciate you remembering our previous convos.

NP. Bottom line is, it's a matter of economics. If you like Asian girls, the most natural thing to do is to look for one where there's a large supply of them (ie, Asia); this is even more true if you also like Asian culture.

What are the important attributes guys look for in girls?

Salary? Yeaaaah...no. How often do you hear about a guy dumping a girl for her being a "bum" and not making enough money?

Education? Important, but not generally a huge factor to most guys...and in any event, countries like China are producing around 3 million college graduates a year. There's pleeeenty of educated girls around.

So what really matters? What's left? Looks, attitude, demeanor, personality.

In which of the above ways are Asian girls inferior to Asian American girls? And if they aren't inferior (often better), why wouldn't the guy go for them instead, esp. when there is a much higher chance at success?

Mind, this isn't to say that there's never any problems though; I mean, love is always critically important when it comes to marriage, so the relationship you described in the OP might not be optimal if it's really like that. As I mentioned, there can be the issue of language barriers, cultural barriers, and of course 100% gold-diggers/passport hunters, although you can tell most of them apart right away. Plus, if you aren't living there, it can be really hard to forge a genuine relationship; distance is a serious relationship killer. Any relationship takes work.

[jadebunny9]

Because women in Asia can cook, clean, and give birth while not being too much into the whole Miss Independent thing. Though unfortunately, some of them pick up on Western women's traits when they come to America.