Which is the "you" that counts - the one you know yourself, or as the world sees?

[Ken Cheng]

In terms of a person's identity, which one is the real one that counts in life? The person as he sees himself, or the way the rest of the world sees the person?

[Exodus]

The "real" you is what really counts how people sees you is only superficial and you shouldn't care about it too much.

Life is very short and it's a shame if you use a substantial amount of time thinking about how people think or sees you. In the end what really matters is that you are happy and that is different for every individual.

Some people like money others treasure familiy and friendships. You should ask yourself what makes you truly happy!

[Ken Cheng]

Some people like money others treasure familiy and friendships. You should ask yourself what makes you truly happy!

My personal values are out of sync with those of my family. I'm one of them, but I'm different from most of them.

I owe my family a great deal, but at the same time, I can't *be* like most of them. I just wish both they and I could accept that just because I'm different and want to go my own, very different way, I'm not betraying or disowning them. Just because they're my family doesn't mean that I like all their flaws or share all their values, and just because I don't want to share all their flaws or *even* their values, it doesn't mean I don't want to be part of the family.

They don't see it that way, though. Either I'm in lockstep with them all the way, or I'm not really one of them. This is a big part and what's kept messing me up.

[Dirt]

The one that makes you happy.

[Exodus]

My personal values are out of sync with those of my family. I'm one of them, but I'm different from most of them.

I owe my family a great deal, but at the same time, I can't *be* like most of them. I just wish both they and I could accept that just because I'm different and want to go my own, very different way, I'm not betraying or disowning them. Just because they're my family doesn't mean that I like all their flaws or share all their values, and just because I don't want to share all their flaws or *even* their values, it doesn't mean I don't want to be part of the family.

They don't see it that way, though. Either I'm in lockstep with them all the way, or I'm not really one of them. This is a big part and what's kept messing me up.

Man it really sucks being in your shoes. You are an adult and should be able to decide what you want to do with your life. You should tell them that and if they don't get it it's not your problem.

I personally have no problems cutting connection with my family members save my mom.

[GeminiWitt]

By far all that matters is the way you see yourself!

[xJadedx]

If you truly are the "real" you, then most of the time, that's what others would see as well. Yes, yes, we misunderstand and misperceive, but overall, we're quite accurate.

[Ken Cheng]

If you truly are the "real" you, then most of the time, that's what others would see as well. Yes, yes, we misunderstand and misperceive, but overall, we're quite accurate.

And then there are those who, for various reasons, choose to deliberately magnify and exaggerate your faults while ignoring your good qualities.

Unfortunately, I've had to deal with A LOT (more than my fair share) of those people.

[xJadedx]

Yah, that must be it.

[Ren Wo Xing]

Psst. She's being sarcastic in the second post.

PS: Most people have an at least somewhat distorted view of themselves.

[ByTmE]

You should have added BOTH...and NEITHER, for the special SPCNETers...

The person that I know to be me and the person that others know to be me doesn't always coincide...however the fundamental personality and core values are still the same. Our inner selves and outer persona shouldn't be vastly different from one another, ideally anyway.

Your question's strange. After all, the person is still the same...it's only the perspective that differs. Maybe I don't quite understand.

[kidd]

How you see yourself shape your past, present, future.

So, the way you see yourself matters more.

Btw, I think 'the person as he sees himself' and 'the way the rest of the world sees the person' are both different aspect of the same person.

[PJ]

"Be yourself, unless you suck."

[kidd]

My personal values are out of sync with those of my family. I'm one of them, but I'm different from most of them.

I owe my family a great deal, but at the same time, I can't *be* like most of them. I just wish both they and I could accept that just because I'm different and want to go my own, very different way, I'm not betraying or disowning them. Just because they're my family doesn't mean that I like all their flaws or share all their values, and just because I don't want to share all their flaws or *even* their values, it doesn't mean I don't want to be part of the family.

They don't see it that way, though. Either I'm in lockstep with them all the way, or I'm not really one of them. This is a big part and what's kept messing me up.

I'm really curious. What kind of values that are so contrasting that your family cannot except?

You are not going to stop teaching and join a rock band, are you?

[remember_Cedric]

In terms of a person's identity, which one is the real one that counts in life? The person as he sees himself, or the way the rest of the world sees the person?

Just know yourself. One can't cater oneself to fit everyone's standard. So, don't bother about how the world sees you.

Don't spend too much time on spiral thoughts like jogging on a hamster's wheel.

[Snafu3721]

I think both are equally important.

If you were accused of lying or stealing but you're really innocent. It is nice to know yourself that you have truth on your side ...but sometimes it also matters that others acknoledge that you're telling the truth. Especially if you're on trial and the jury doesn't hold a good opinion of you ;P

[kidd]

I think both are equally important.

If you were accused of lying or stealing but you're really innocent. It is nice to know that that you have truth on your side ...but sometimes it also matters that others acknoledge that you're telling the truth. Especially if you're on trial and the jury doesn't hold a good opinion of you ;P

How come the first paragraph of your post is gone but I don't not see any edit note at the bottom?

I guess you have a point there.

[jadebunny9]

I think both are equally important.

If you were accused of lying or stealing but you're really innocent. It is nice to know that that you have truth on your side ...but sometimes it also matters that others acknoledge that you're telling the truth. Especially if you're on trial and the jury doesn't hold a good opinion of you ;P

I agree. Both are equally important. Mostly everyone in the world will see himself/herself as the greatest human being on earth, though that's usually not true. If you've been misunderstood by EVERYONE in the whole world, then perhaps you're not conveying yourself correctly...and perhaps, there could be some truth in how everyone else judges you.

[LuNaR]

80% of the time, the way the world see u
20% of the time, the way u see yourself

you can say all you want about being yourself, but even when u hate wearing that dam suit to work, u still gotta wear it. your not going to pick your nose in public even though it itches and u need to do it right there. your not going to straight up tell a distinct relative of yours u hate his/her cooking when u cant stand it.

[Snafu3721]

How come the first paragraph of your post is gone but I don't not see any edit note a the bottom?

I guess you have a point there.

Haha I have no idea why there is no edit note... *also confused*

I deleted the fist paragraph because there was an idea that I didn't feel would be well presented with my example.