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Thread: Cheap Thrill

  1. #1
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    Default Cheap Thrill

    Okay after the weekend of watching and pondering a number of poorly made US martial arts movies, I've decided that I will write another short fanfic (shorter than Black Dragon Swordsman). The story is called "Cheap Thrill".

    It's set in the futuristic world around 2100 AD where flying cars, beam me up scotty technology, flying people, lazer guns ect... are a reality. But some things never change.

    Draft Prologue

    Uncle Lau a successful Chinese immigrant to the US opens his 500th Chinese Restaurant in the middle of Las Vagas on 28 February 2100 to celebrate his 100th birthday with friends and family. Uncle Lau came to the US with not a cent in his pockets, but now owns and operates a number of Chinese Restaurant chains throughout the US and around the world. Such is his success that his restaurant chain now rivals McDonalds. His fame and popularity has made various people very jealous and envious of him.

    That night Uncle Lau’s 500th Chinese Restaurant is blown up by a group of terrorists wearing ninja masks. Many people including, famous celebrities, sporting personalities, including Tao Ying a 7'4 centre for the Houston Rockets of the NBA, along with the son of the US President was killed that night. Uncle Lau was also killed in the blast. The restaurant bombings are just one of the many bombings that has occurred in the US and around the world over the past 6 months where over 100 Chinese restaurants have been blown up by suspected terrorists.

    It was later discovered that a blonde hooker named ‘Cheap Thrill’ was in attendance as an escort to the US President’s son. It is widely known that ‘Cheap Thrill’ is on the US’s list of the top 10 most wanted criminals. It is also rumoured that ‘Cheap Thrill’ is connected with the ‘Elkiro’ terrorist network. A group of racist religious freaks who target and commits ruthless crimes against people with Asian backgrounds, hoping to drive them back into the ‘East’. Rumours through the ‘East’ has it that ‘Cheap Thrill’ is actually working for the US government. All that is on the FBI files is that ‘Cheap Thrill’ is a tall 6’0 blonde who is an expert in martial arts, and dresses in the same tracksuit outfit as Bruce Lee did in game of death. Her last known location was the Minx Brothel in Las Vagas where she worked as a hooker, entertaining over 10 men per night. That’s all that’s known about ‘Cheap Thrill’.

    The Chinese President’s suspicion is aroused following the bombing and he is outraged by the death of the basketball legend, Tao Ying, who is a national hero for leading China to its first ever basketball gold medal in the Olympic Games over the US a few years ago. The timing of his death is a little suspicious given that China and the USA are to contest a Basketball World Championship Grand Final in a couple of weeks on US soil. China’s top secret agents, ‘Aeroplane Li’, and ‘Wacky Chan’ have been dispatched in secret to the US to investigate the incident for the Chinese Government.

    Meanwhile the Abbot of Shaolin grants Felix Lau, the nephew of Uncle Lau, leave from his Buddhist studies to visit the US to attend Uncle Lau’s funeral. But the Abbott of Shaolin has other grand plans in mind. He decides to grant Felix Lau leave on one condition. That he locates and recalls all of the Shaolin apprentices with a ‘Western/US’ background whilst he is in the US, back to China. The Abbott of Shaolin suspects that most of the apprentices with a ‘Western/US’ background have gone down the dark path and are linked to the ‘Elkiro’ network. Since leaving Shaolin many of the apprentices with a ‘Western/US’ have also disgraced the school. The Abbot thus wants to recall all of them for some disciplinary action and punishment. The Abbot is particularly concerned with the likes of ‘Bean Claude Ban Damme’, ‘Duck Morris’, and Rolph Lungderen, who he has virtually lost contact with since they left for the US.

    The Abbott also informs Felix Lau that he suspects, ‘Cheap Thrill’ to be none other Yuma Shurman, one of their top female apprentices over the years. Felix Lau refuses to believe that his ex-girlfriend Yuma Shurman would be ‘Cheap Thrill’ so agrees to the Abbott’s condition. He journeys to the US with the task in mind that he may have to kick/whack some ‘Western/US’ apprentices butt and punish them for behaving poorly and brining the ‘ancient code of chivalry’ abided by many martial artists into disrepute. His journey gets of to a bad start however when his boeing 747 plane is hijacked by terrorists from the ‘Elkiro’ network. On that same plane are secret agents, ‘Aeroplane Li’ and ‘Wacky Chan’.

    The first chapter – “Grand Opening in Las Vagas” will be up soon.
    "Seems, madam! Nay it is, I know not seems!" - Hamlet, William Shakespeare

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    Default Chapter 1: Grand Opening in Las Vegas

    Chapter 1: Grand Opening in Las Vegas

    Date: 28 February 2100 AD
    Time: 6.00am
    Location: The White House, Washington DC, USA

    It’s a nice tropical morning on the beaches of Hawaii. A body builder runs along the shore carrying a surfboard in hand after refreshing surf along the waves. Many topless beautiful women are bathing along the beaches. Some rest underneath the coconut trees to shield from the sun. All of the women along the beach are all slim, blonde, have refined figures, and are buffy around the chest. It almost seems like heaven. One closer inspection, one can see a man in his early 30s resting on a beach chair. There is a big umbrella at the end of the chair to provide much needed protection from the hot sun. The beach umbrella is blue, white, and red. The man has a very average looking body. His arms, chest, and legs are covered in body hair making him look almost like an ape. His face looks not too dissimilar to that of a chimpanzee. Some of the thick black hair on his head had already gone white. He’s facial expression resembles that of a gambler. One could never tell what he’s thinking at this moment in time. A pair of rounded spectacles is resting by a book to his right hand side. A pair of dark sunglasses is worn on his face. He is at this moment leaning back, comfortably in his chair whilst sipping a tropical cocktail. There are two women by his side. Both of them are trying to feed him a seedless grape. He opens his mouth and eats them from their hands one at a time upon finishing his cocktail.

    The woman on the left is wearing a white two piece bikini. She has a very slender body and soft curves. Long black silky hair flows down her back. She has the look of a goddess. A blue silk sash with the words, “Miss Italy”, is worn across her chest. The woman on the right is a blonde. She has a sporty body and very buffy chests. She looks almost like an angel. She’s currently topless. Apart from a light blue silk sash worn across her chest, this young lady is only wearing a tiny little red g-string. The words, “Miss Sweden” is written on the sash of the blonde lady. It is a very unusual sight that two pretty young ladies would be entertaining such an average looking man. So it was obvious that the man was either very powerful or very rich.

    Breaking the silence, Miss Italy, decides to ask the middle-aged man a question. But she was speaking in Italian so the man could not understand what she was saying. “Computer! Please translate! Now!”, shouted the middle aged man. A gentle voice of a young lady could suddenly be heard saying, “Yes, master! Right away!”. Her voice seemed to echo through the sky.

    “Dam foreigners! Don’t they know any god dam English!”, cursed the middle aged man to himself. The two pretty ladies did not understand what he was saying. The translation program had not yet kicked in.

    Hearing no response to her question, Miss Italy, repeated the question. But this time the computer was translating it as she spoke, “Mister President! Why is this place called the ‘White House’?”. It was obvious that the middle-aged man was none other than the current President of the United States of America, Mr Fred Jones.

    “Gee that’s a little bit of a silly question isn’t it?”, remarked the President Jones. “What a dumb bimbo!”, he thought as he glanced at Miss Italy. On the surface he appeared to be very happy and welcoming of the question.

    Eating a grape from Miss Sweden’s hands, he continued, “Have you seen a black man or African American man, as they would be preferred to be called, in this house?”. He thought to himself, “ Black! Negro! African American! Like it matters anyway they’re all the same!”.

    Shaking her head, Miss Italy replied, “Well no!”.

    “Well there you have it! This is strictly the White House! No black man or African American has ever entered here! It ain’t ever going to change babe!”, replied President Jones as he laughed out loud.

    Looking confused to the side, Miss Sweden said, “But what about your gardener, chef, and body guards? They’ve all been in the White House! They’re all African American aren’t they?”.

    “Another dumb bimbo! It’s lucky she’s good in bed and doesn’t talk all that often!”, laughed President Jones inwardly upon hearing her comments.

    “Ha! Ha! Ha! They’re all working for the White House! They’re just workers! You know! Like slaves! How can they compare to me?”, laughed President Jones once more.

    Suddenly out of no where three men approached the president. One of them was a handsome young man in his mid 20s. His hair was shining brightly underneath the sunlight. It was obvious that he had used up a lot of grease and gel. He wore a black tuxedo and a red tie. A pair of black shades was worn on his face. He was of medium built and medium height. He had a cheeky smile on his face. The name, “Bames Jond!” was written on his security pass. Just below was written the words, “Secret Agent 770”. The fellow to his left was rather stocky and appeared to be in his late 60s. He looked like a piece of lamb chop. His hair had gone all white. He wore a dark green army outfit. Various medals were dangling from his shoulders. On his security pass was written, “Defence Secretary – John Smith”. The fellow to his right was a young man who appeared to be 18 years of age. He had a rather nerdy look about him. He wore thick square glasses on his face. He wore a standard business suit. He carried a large bundle of papers and a brief case in his right hand. “National Security Chief – Mike Anderson”, was written on his security pass.

    “Ahem! Excuse us Mister President! We’re here to brief you on a urgent National Security matter!”, said Defence Secretary Smith as he approached the President. All three men fixed their gaze at the busty Miss Sweden who was currently top less and was only wearing a revealing g-string.

    “God dam it! Just when I was having a bit of fun!”, cursed President Jones upon seeing that three men had approached him. “Computer! De-activate the Hawaii simulation program!”.

    “Yes master! As you wish!”, replied the central computer in the White House. Moments later the beach of Hawaii became the Council Chamber of the White House. To all three men’s surprise, Miss Italy, and Miss Sweden was still standing next to the President feeding him grapes. They were no holograms as they had first assumed.

    Smiling slightly, President Jones said, “These are my friends! I picked them up last night at the Miss Universe Contest in New York!”. The three men did not say a word. They all stood there expecting the President to ask them to leave, prior to counselling him on matters regarding National Security. After a while they stared at each other blankly.

    “Well? What’s the important national security matter you came to see me about? Speak! I am a very busy man you know!”, said President Jones in a demanding tone.

    “I can see! It can wait!”, replied Secret Agent Jond in a cheeky tone. He did not want to counsel the President in the presence of Miss Italy and Miss Sweden. But it appeared as if the President wasn’t going to ask them to leave either.

    “God dam it! This is not the high school prom! Why on earth are you dressed like that?”, remarked President Jones upon noticing that Secret Agent Jond was wearing a tuxedo. Secret Agent Jond did not reply. The President continued, “And what kind of name is Bames Jond? Is that an English name?”. Secret Agent Jond was now getting a little impatient. But he held back his temper upon realising that it was the President of the USA who was in front of him.

    “Mister President! Here are your Intelligence Cables for the day!”, interrupted National Security Chief Anderson as he passed a large pile of paper on the President’s desk.

    “What the heck? How do you expect me to read all of this junk? I’m very busy at the moment!”, protested President Jones upon seeing the large bundle of paper before him.

    “Ah! Never mind all that! Where’s the Sports cable?”, asked President Jones no wanting to read the Intelligence Cables just yet.

    “Here you are!”, replied National Security Chief Anderson, as he took the last few pages from the large bundle before placing them in front of the President.

    The President casually picked up the pages before reading only the headings. He stumbled across one that he became very interested in. He remarked, “The ‘Jack Attack’ crushes the ‘Great Wall’!”. Moments later he continued, “Ah! So the Los Angeles Lakers have taken the Houston Rockets to the 7th game in the NBA’s Western Conference Finals! Amazing! Jacques O’Neill must be kicking Mao Ying’s butt!”.

    “Yes! Indeed he is! Jackass O’Neill did kick some major butt!”, interrupted Defence Secretary Smith to the side. He was a lover of sports as well.

    “Hey be careful there! You pronounced his name ‘Jack ***’! It’s Jacques!”, growled President Jones.

    “Jack ***! Or Jacques! What’s the difference!”, grumbled Defence Secretary Smith to himself.

    Turning to face National Security Chief Anderson, President Jones asked, “When is game 7? What are the betting odds at the moment?”.

    “Game 7 is being played today at 3.00pm in the afternoon! Sportsbet has the Lakers odds at 3 to 1!”, replied National Security Chief Anderson.

    “Computer I want to place a bet of $2 million dollars that the Los Angeles Lakers will win game 7 tonight!”, shouted President Jones. The three men looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. The computer replied, “Yes master! As you wish!”.

    Turning once more to National Security Chief Anderson, President Jones asked, “Now where’s the Business and Entertainment Cables? Let me have a look at them first!”.

    Once again National Security Chief Anderson, took some pages from the very bottom of the pile before placing them in front of President Jones. He picked them up and read the headings once more. Suddenly he stumbled across one that attacked his attention. He read the heading out loud, “Trillionaire Uncle Lau opens 500th Planet Lau Restaurant in Les Vagas!”.

    “What! Where’s the briefing on this?”, demanded President Jones. Secret Agent Jond and Defence Secretary Smith looked at each other blankly. They were both thinking the same thing. They were there to advise the President on matters of National Security. They weren’t there to entertain him or brief him about sports, business, and celebrities.

    To both men’s amazement, National Security Chief Anderson searched amongst the large pile of paper and located the 10 page brief covering the grand opening of the 500th Planet Lau Restaurant in Las Vegas. “Here you are Mister President!”, said National Security Chief Anderson whilst passing the briefing over to the President.

    President Jones took the briefing in his hands before taking some time to read the briefing in detail. He remarked upon seeing the VIP guest list, “How dare this Fu Man Chew of an Uncle Lau not invite me to attend this grand opening!”.

    “Dam bloody immigrant! Who does he think he is! God dam, Fu Man Chew! God dam, Fu Man Chew!”, cursed President Jones underneath his breath.

    Taking the briefing off from the table, National Security Chief Anderson remarked whilst pointing to the top of the guest list, “Ah! Mister President! He did invite you! You were the first name on his VIP list!”.

    Taking a look at the list, President Jones said, “Oh! So he did invite me after all!”. Taking a moment to stroke his chin, he said, “But I’m too busy! I can’t attend in any case! Send my son to attend in my place instead!”.

    “Yes Mister President!”, replied National Security Chief Anderson with an enthusiastic smile on his face. The other two men stood there with blank expressions on their face.

    “Mister President! We’re here to advise you of an matter regarding National Security and the safety of our nation! It’s very urgent!”, shouted Secret Agent Jond upon placing a 5 page briefing in front of the President’s eyes. He had enough of the small talk and wished to get back to his other business. The title of his briefing was ‘Elkiro Terrorist Network Plans Another Attack in the USA!”.

    “Urgent matter? Who determines that it’s urgent? You?”, questioned President Jones as he glared down at Secret Agent Jond. Taking a few pages from the bottom of the stack, President Jones continued reading other cables such as ‘Finance’, ‘Business’, and ‘Trade’. He worked all his way up to the top by scanning the headings. He arrived at the ‘Security Cable’ and ‘Intelligence Cable’ in around 30 minutes time. By now Secret Agent Jond had lost his patience.

    After reading through both cables President Jones remarked, “I noticed that your urgent matter wasn’t listed in any of the cables! Therefore I won’t accept your briefing!”.

    Taking the Intelligence Cable before pointing to the very last header for President Jones to see, Secret Agent Jond read out loud, “Elkiro Terrorist Network Plans Another Attack in the USA - Intelligence reports that members of Elkiro have been surveying tall buildings in Las Vegas. High probability of a terrorist attack in Les Vagas in the coming weeks. Possible attack on the Wang Building planned for the opening night of the 500th Planet Lau. Recommend that residents in Las Vegas be placed on high alert. Recommend that FBI take surveillance action on Wang Building!”.

    “This is indeed an urgent and serious matter!”, remarked President Jones after a while.

    Secret Agent Jond and Defence Secretary Smith gave a sigh of relief. They thought the President had finally grasped the serious nature of the matter. To their surprise the President said after examining the short cable, “This is a very serious matter! Who wrote this cable? It’s got some serious spelling mistakes! It reads the ‘Elkira’ terrorist network! Which group is this?”.

    But before anyone had a chance to respond President Jones continued, “The ‘Elkira’ terrorist network doesn’t exists! Also this cable doesn’t tell me what time the terrorists will strike! Nor does it tell me what the probability of the strike is! What is highly probable? This is not conclusive evidence!”.

    After a while he continued, “I won’t be making any public announcements based on this report! What good will it do? It that will only cause people to panic! Besides FBI resources are stretched at the moment! They’ve got more important matters to deal with!”.

    “But… But… We need to warn the people! So that can take precautions!”, remarked Secret Agent Jond. But he knew that he wasn’t going to win the argument.

    “Case closed! I don’t want to discuss this any further! Understand? There’s no existing terrorist threat inside the USA!”, shouted President Jones.

    Secret Agent Jond stormed out of the chamber moments later. After he left, President Jones said, “National Security Chief Anderson, I don’t want to see Secret Agent Jond again! He’s a threat to National Security!”.

    “What do you mean?”, asked Defence Secretary Smith in shock.

    Running a finger along his neck from left to right, he said, “Understand?”.

    “Yes!”, replied National Security Chief Anderson. The Defence Secretary looked a little hesitant. But he did not speak up for his own safety reasons.

    “Also I want the person who wrote this brief fired! I’ll not tolerate spelling mistakes!”, continued President Jones.

    “Yes Mister President!”, replied both Defence Secretary Smith and National Security Chief Anderson.

    “If that’s all gentleman! Then be on your way!”, continued President Jones as he motioned towards the door. The two men immediately left him.

    As they left they could hear President Jones say in a loud voice, “Computer – Activate the Penthouse simulation”.

    (To be continued)

    Unlike my other Fanfic - this one is rather different and will be updated in chunks. Next part of the Chapter takes place in Houston at 6.00pm in the evening at Mao Ying's residence.
    "Seems, madam! Nay it is, I know not seems!" - Hamlet, William Shakespeare

  3. #3
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    Chapter 1: Grand Opening in Las Vegas (Continued)

    Date: 28 February 2100 AD
    Time: 8.00am
    Location: Hyatt Hotel, Las Vegas, USA

    A man with shiny hair walks into the lobby of the Hyatt Hotel in Las Vagas. He is wearing a tuxedo and a red tie. A pair of black shades was worn on his face. The name, “Bames Jond!” was written on his security pass. He approaches the check in counter. Looking around he noticed the décor and interior of the hotel resembled that of an Ancient Greek temple. There were various items on display in the lobby, including old battle helmets, axes, shields, and spears in cased in glass. The carpets were a stylish reddish colour. All of the doormen, and workers were dressed formally in a white shirt, black pants, black tie, and blue vest. The male workers were all muscular and handsome. The female workers were as pretty as actresses and models. It was one of the finest hotels in Las Vegas indeed.

    “Sir! Aren’t you a little early for the Las Vegas Highschool prom? It doesn’t start until around 7.00pm this evening!”, remarked the lady behind the check in counter as she stared up and down Bames Jond. She also found it a little weird that someone in his mid-twenties would be attending a high school prom in the first place.

    “God dam it! What the hell is wrong with you people?”, cursed Bames Jond underneath his breath upon hearing those comments.

    Giving a little cough, he continued, “I’m not here for the prom! I’m here to see Mr Sam Jones! Where’s his room?”.

    Typing the name Jones into the computer, the young lady replied, “Sir! I can’t find a Sam Jones staying at this hotel at the moment. There is a Samantha Jones however!”.

    “That’ll be typical! Such a gay name for the President’s son!”, Bames Jond thought to himself with a smile.

    “No that’s the one! Samantha Jones! Sam for short! If you know what I mean!”, continued Bames Jond with a little laugh.

    “Room 33A on the Left Wing!”, replied the young lady behind the counter.

    Bames Jond stepped onto a black square on the floor of the lobby. He entered ‘Room 33A – Left Wing’ into a small panel at the corner. The floorboard then lavated itself into the air like a piece of magic carpet. He soon reached the very top of the hotel and stood before a red door. It was marked ‘33A’.

    Pressing a button to the side of the door, Bames Jond, said, “Mr Jones! I’m here to deliver a message from your father!”.

    “Come in!”, said a voice from inside as the door suddenly opened.

    Walking in the room, Bames Jond noticed another young man who looked like a chimpanzee in his early 20s. He was sitting comfortably in his chair watching a movie. He asked, “What are you watching?, in a curious tone.

    Turning to cast a glance at Bames Jond, Sam Jones replied, “Just the usual American bullsh*t you see these days!”.

    “This movie is called, ‘America Saves the World Again, and Again, and Again, and Again, and Again, and Again, and Again, and Again, and Again, and Again! It’s the 10th instalment from the original blockbuster, ‘America Saves the World’!”, continued Sam Jones after a little while before taking a sip from his glass of wine. He gave a little laugh. Despite being the President’s son, he hated all things American. That was his little rebellion against his father.

    “Ah! So this is the movie where Aliens invade earth! But their plans are foiled because of some dodgy MS Office virus on their computer networks that prevents them from communicating with each other! Who would have thought that old legend Gill Bates would even sell us out to the Aliens! Dam traitor!”, replied Bames Jond. It appeared as if he was familiar with that particular movie.

    “Yeah! This movie is a load of sh*t! Do you know if there’s anything else to watch?”, asked Sam Jones handing over the control panel to Bames Jond.

    “There’s not much unless you want to watch a movie called ‘White Western Kung Fu Master Destroys the Original Creators of Kung Fu’!”, replied Bames Jond.

    “Oh! You mean that illogical movie, about how some bimbo white b*tch teams up with some dumb white w*nker! They’ve only been practising kung fu for about 3 years but someone manage to kick all of the grandmasters of kung fu butts? Yet those grand masters have actually been learning and applying their martial arts skills since the age of 3! Also the white guys and girls are always good and the Asians are always bad? Despite the fact that the white guys and girls actually ‘steal’ an ancient art that belongs to the Asians and use it against them to win! Shameful!”, asked Sam Jones.

    “Yeah! That’s the one! Pretty lame isn’t it?”, replied Bames Jond.

    “Yep! But I bet it’s better than ‘The President of the America - Greatest Hero on the Universe’! The sequel to ‘The President of America – The War Hero’!”, laughed Sam Jones out loud.

    “That’s the god dam problem with America these days! Every movie made about the US President portrays them as some great hero who were once in the army and would go out of their way to protect the world and the country! Kids grow up and really believe it to be true! Ha! Ha! Ha! What god dam fools!”, laughed Sam Jones out loud to himself.

    He added, “You as well as I know that my father, the honourable President Fred Jones, is at this very moment bonking a couple of young ladies in the grand chamber in the White House! He’s not doing anything heroic! He knows that the terrorist network, Elikrio have been surveying tall buildings in Las Vegas and is doing nothing about it!”.

    “That’s true! I went to advise him about it this morning and he threw my brief out!”, agreed Bames Jond.

    “So why is it that you’re here?”, asked Sam Jones. “Surely you’re not here to kill me? Are you?”, he continued upon noticing the security badge worn by Bames Jond.

    “No! Your father sent me to deliver this invite! He wants you to attend the Grand Opening of the 500th Planet Lau in Las Vegas this evening at the Wang Building!”, replied Bames Jond whilst handing over the invitation.

    (To be continued)
    "Seems, madam! Nay it is, I know not seems!" - Hamlet, William Shakespeare

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