Ci Xi and I

I was born in 1837, during the reign of Emperor Dao Guang, the sixth ruler of the great Qing dynasty. I was born into one of the wealthiest families in the capital, the Niuhuru clan. I was given a Manchu name, Sakota. My mamari said I was a beautiful baby because I had a fair complexion and my skin was smooth like silk.

I was the youngest child in my family. I had one eldest sister who was four years older than I was. My father was a prominent official in the government and my family had close relationship with the important family, according to my mother, who lived in the palace. The Forbidden City, she called it.

When I was six years old, my mother took me to the temple to pray for the gods. On the way to the temple, I saw great red big buildings with guards standing outside the gates. “It’s the Forbidden City,” said my mamari. I never understood why they called it the Forbidden City when it was such a grand place. I hoped I would live there one day. I told my nursemaid. She looked at me with a surprised expression.

“My dear Sakota, you wouldn’t want to live there. The place belongs to the august family who rule our country-the Aisin Gioro family who took over the throne from the Ming family. Your ancestors helped them to complete the conquest of the Middle Kingdom.”

“That would definitely give me a reason to reside in the city!!! My family deserves a share of the city,” said I sternly. For an ordinary person to demand the right to reside in the city would have granted him a death penalty. For a six-year old girl who knew nothing about the politics of the Forbidden, the demand was nothing but a child’s talk. My mamari laughed and hugged me tightly. “My love, you’ll find a good husband who will love you forever and give you sons and daughters. He’ll feed you and shower you with gifts and love. Living in the Forbidden City will not guarantee you these luxuries.”

She looked into my eyes and confided in me sadly, ”I wish I had a daughter like you. I never had the good fortune to marry the man I loved. He died in the war against the barbaric merchants who sold opium to our people.”

I didn’t understand what she meant but I surely remembered saying that I would looked after her when she grew old. I would never leave her, I said. Never leave her as long as I lived. “You are my second mother,” I told her. Since that trip, my mamari and I were inseparable.

I spent my childhood like the other ordinary children in the capital. I played with my toys and with the servants’ children. I was tutored at home but I never liked books. I was fond of love stories like The Dream of Red Mansion, written by Cao Xue Yin, an author who, according to my father, was a great Chinese writer. I loved the stories so much that I would read it again as soon as I finished it. I always wished Cao Xue Yin would have made the couple together instead of separating them. Nevertheless, it was a fine story which I would read again later in my life.

The other author whom I found his stories entertaining was Pu Song Ling. His collection of ghost and fairy tales started during the reign of Emperor Kang Xi, another ruler from the great Aisin Gioro family. Pu Song Ling was a failed scholar who was disappointed by the corruption of the government officials. He failed his examination several times and decided to give up his dream of becoming an official and opened a restaurant instead. He invited his customers to tell tales and in return, he would provide tea free of charge. He compiled the tales into a book and published them. Therefore, many people in the country enjoyed his collection.

During the Hungry Ghost festivals, I dared not leave my room at night, too much frightened of the female ghosts in the courtyard. All because of Pu Song Ling!!

My childhood was about to change forever when I reached my tenth birthday.