One Parody To Ruin Them All

[Eliar Swiftfire]

Somewhere in Space... a large scary-looking flying saucer was speeding towards Earth in a scary speed, their plans were really scary.

Back in Earth... or in Hong Kong, to be more precise, everyone's blissfully ignorant.

At one part of the country, four evil men known as the Four Heavenly Kings continued their evil deeds.

At another part of the country, a guy was beating up his blind sister in frustration, while the guy's butler was dressing up a gal with bandages.

Then, at another part of the country, a guy was being accompanied by two gals, and the guy was plotting how to avenge his parents deaths.

AND THEN... the peaceful country was shattered when the large flying saucer as large as a city plummeted towards Hong Kong...

The flying saucer smashed onto the country. The entire country sunk.

That happened in one dimension.

But in this dimension. The large flying saucer rested above Hong Kong.

The entire population of HK panicked. They ran out and stared at the flying saucer. Fearing for their doom. Thousands and thousands of people tried to swim towards China. Another few thousands attempted to swim towards somewhere farther... perhaps Malaysia, home of the great Eliar Swiftfire.

However, for those who can't swim, all they could do was wait for their doom.

Meanwhile, George W Bush was pissed that the flying saucer didn't land on the US of A like all Hollywood movies.

"Oh damn. This chapter is waaaay beyond my capabilities." Nicholas Tse muttered, running back to his own house with Charlene and Gillian.

"I'll erm... pretend that I didn't see anything." Edison said. He hid under his bed.

Cecilia was too bothered with her ankle injury to know that alien invaders have arrived at HK.

Vicky, who was blind, understandably knew nothing about the aliens either.

(to be continued)

[Eliar Swiftfire]

(continued)

Tung Chee Wah sent the HK army to attack the flying saucer. Unfortunately, the flying saucer was protected by some sort of force field which the author here doesn't want to waste any time explaining about.

"Impossible!" The Chief Executive said, as he watched his fighter jets dropping as quickly as his popularity. "I must do something! I must recruit heroes to help battle the alien invaders!"

Bruce Lee was raised from the dead. Temporarily.

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The heroic and legendary martial arts expert screamed and kung fu'd the force field into pieces. (no one knew whether the force field was destroyed by his kung fu, or his screaming)

Inspired by this heroism. Tung Chee Wah made a public speech.

"Good morning. In less than one hour planes from here will launch the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind... Mankind. The word has new meaning for all of us now. We are reminded not of our petty differences but of our common interests."

At this very moment, a group of heroic pilots, Jackie Chan, Chow Yun Fat and Jet Li were marching towards their planes in slow motion.

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The Chief Executive continued his speech. "Perhaps it's fate that today, we will once again fight for our freedom. Not from tyranny, persecution or oppression. But from annihilation. We're fighting for our right to live, to exit. From this day on, this date will not only be remembered as a Hong Kong holiday but as the day that all of mankind declared we will not go quietly into the night. We will not vanish without a fight. We will live on. We will survive."

It was an inspiring speech alright. If he didn't actually rip them off from the movie, Independence Day.

Anyway, the three heroes had rammed their planes into the flying saucer. When they infiltrated into the mothership, they saw the true face of their invaders.

Purple singing dinosaurs who called themselves Barney.

Jet Li and Jackie Chan used their fists to destroy the aliens. Chow Yun Fat, in an insanely cool manner, drew his double berettas and marched into the room of the alien leader.

Who turned out to be Darth Vader.

Chow Yun Fat, who thankfully wasn't the son of Darth Vader, happily beat the evil Dark Jedi into a bloody pulp, because Chow remembered what a whiny little brat Darth Vader was when he was a kid, and those stupid declarations of love he made to the beautiful Amidala when he got older.

Jackie and Jet happily joined in the fight too. Ripping Darth Vader into pieces. Blood splattered around.

Humanity was saved.

Jackie Chan, Chow Yun Fat and Jet Li were declared as national heroes.

People started swimming back to Hong Kong.

And the world rejoiced. Tung Chee Wah managed to buy himself a couple more weeks in the Office.

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=======================

Reviews:

Mr. Marderfarker: Wow! So cool! Alien invasion! This is getting so epic!

Ai mer Beech: fukk you! this story sux0r! j00 go to hell!

Fook Mi and Fook Yu: Please write more! We love this fic very much! It's so exciting and suspenseful.

Cuntilla: Yeah! I love aliens!

[email protected]: This is shaping into a literary masterpiece. The alien battles were the most intense I've ever read in a story. You managed to enact the feeling of fear when those aliens came to Hong Kong. Very well done! It was so realistic!

Richard Ryder: No sex scene? *sigh*

[Eliar Swiftfire]

Dum Dum Dum.

[junny]

The scenes with Chow, Jackie & Jet were hilarious. And that was a real pic of Fatt Gor and also of Jet

[the blur one]

you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
I will survive
I will survive!





*blur is too busy laughing to say anything else...*

[MeMyselfandI2000]

*laughs like a freakin' maniac*

this is freaking funny! i dont know what do you store in that head of yours Eliar, but i hope you keep producing it coz this is the best!

[Eliar Swiftfire]

Originally posted by junny


The scenes with Chow, Jackie & Jet were hilarious. And that was a real pic of Fatt Gor and also of Jet

Gyahahaha! It's unfortunate I couldn't find a better Bruce Lee pic.

[Eliar Swiftfire]

Originally posted by the blur one
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
I will survive
I will survive!





*blur is too busy laughing to say anything else...*

Yay. I sing the song a lot too.

[Eliar Swiftfire]

Originally posted by MeMyselfandI2000
*laughs like a freakin' maniac*

this is freaking funny! i dont know what do you store in that head of yours Eliar, but i hope you keep producing it coz this is the best!

Thank you. I feel great!

[MeMyselfandI2000]

ee..i'm having a bit of a problem after visiting your Inside Stuff webpage, seems that my computer have been affected by a virus from the site. any ideas how to get rid of it?

[Eliar Swiftfire]

Hey. Sorry about what happened, man. I didn't know how to get rid of it until two nights ago, right now, my site's clean.

You need either PC-Cillin or Norton to get rid of your files. Latest version. Or maybe from last year. They'll quarantine your files.

As far as I know, the viruses are harmless, but they will infect HTML files only which are placed with the infected files.

You can't get rid of them, you gotta delete the files, so I suggest that you copy those text of HTML files in Notepad first. *sigh* I myself lost 100+ saved HTML files because of dis.

[Eliar Swiftfire]

Look out for my update tomorrow night, my dears!

[Eliar Swiftfire]

Eliar Swiftfire sat in front of his computer screen, staring blankly. He had used up all his creative juices for a role-playing thread in a certain fantasy forum, and it was his greatness that made that RP thread the longest RP thread in forum history (1800+ posts, started for 9 months and still going on strong).

What am I going to do? What to write?

He was given the MANLY burden of entertaining the readers... he was the CHOSEN ONE. The Francis Ford Coppola of his own time. (Of course, the Coppola who created the masterpieces Godfather 1 and 2, NOT the Coppola who never became the same after the Apocalypse Now disaster.)

Yet he was about to fail his readers... he had no idea what to write in 'A Parody To Ruin Them All'.

To say that he was out of ideas would be unfair, instead, it seemed that he was full of ideas, but had no idea WHICH one to utilize on this wonderfully wonderful parody of his.

He had made fun of many things with that fic. Here's the list that he compiled for himself.

1) To make fun of the concept that using CELEBRITIES for a fic would get more attention from readers instead of the quality of the fic itself. (did that by tossing ALL SORTS of celebrities into the fic)

2) To make fun of the martial arts genre (did that in the battle between Richie Ren and Nicholas Tse)

3) To make fun of the sappy romance genre (look at the whole Nicholas x Cecilia x Edison)

4) To make fun of the blatant uses of flashbacks for unnecessarily dramatic purposes.

5) To make fun of angst-ridden main characters who had ridiculously sad backgrounds.

6) To make fun of those 90s Disaster Flicks (ala Independence Day, Deep Impact and Armaggeddon style).

The list went on and on... it was a long list...

Eliar was jaded. Totally jaded. So jaded that he listened to the Aerosmith song 'Jaded' to feel more jaded.

He was having the same problem with the Round Robin Modern Version too... but that's another story.

Finally, a lightbulb appeared above his head.

"AHA! I KNOW! I'LL THROW MYSELF INTO THE STORY TOO! AND MAKE S.H.E. FALL IN LOVE WITH ME!!"

After saying that, he typed frantically on his computer...

===========================

The four heavenly kings sat on their meeting table, discussing their evil plans for world domination... again.

Then, their door flung open, and a very handsome, intelligent young man walked into the room.

"Who are you?" Leon Lai asked.

"I am your creator. Eliar Swiftfire." The youth replied, he walked in, three scantily-clad gals following closely behind him. "And these are my three lady companions, Selena, Hebe and Ella."

"What do you want?" Jacky Cheung frowned.

Eliar grinned. "Just to appear in this fanfic for a while."

DUM DUM DUM!

Lightning flashed.

The four heavenly kings were emotionless.

The three girls of S.H.E. huddled close to Eliar Swiftfire.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" Eliar mwaha'd evilly.

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[Eliar Swiftfire]

Struck speechless. No?

[the blur one]

hmm.

struck speechless, yes.

[tido]

"But you ain't no Maiden."

"Yes, I am! And I'm a CROSSDRESSER too!" Richie Ren struck a pose.

Anita Yuen popped in suddenly, she was dressed in ancient costume, but obviously a male wardrobe. "Nope, I'm the crossdresser here!"

I was definitely ! Even my story was not spared from your parody. : Nevertheless, this is definitely a story worth updating!

[Eliar Swiftfire]

Originally posted by the blur one
hmm.

struck speechless, yes.

I iz veli proud of myself.

[Eliar Swiftfire]

Originally posted by tido
I was definitely ! Even my story was not spared from your parody. : Nevertheless, this is definitely a story worth updating!

Er... thank you?

[Eliar Swiftfire]

It waz a worm ahnd zunny daye.

Cecilia have recower frum her sprayned ankle, and Edison waz walking home wif her.

"10q 4 h4lp1ng m3!" Cecilia said.

"NP." Edison replies. He is very handsome. And he makes Cecilia face go veli red.

Den dey walk and walk... continue walk and walk... both of dem kip on tokking and stuff, and both was laffing a lot. Edison thinks he iz in love wif Cecilia. Cecilia isn't sure, but she thinks the same too.

Finenallee, dey rich Cecilia's house. Her house is veli veli small. Becos she iz not veli reech like Edizon. But Edison fill dat the house was veli preettee. As preettee as Cecilia.

Cecilia invited Edison into her houze. Den, dey both fill veli horny. Dey were going to Cecilia's bedroom too.

"RaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAARGGGH!" A big ugly monster burst into Cecilia's house. Edison screem veli loud, Cecilia scream veli loud too! They both scream loud and loud.

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Then, big ugly monster got angry and rip out Edison's head and eat it. After dat, big ugly monster use claws to tear Edison body apart so it can eat Edison's organs too.

Veli veli violent.

"Oh plz! plz dun kill me!" Cecilia crys.

But da big ugly monster is still veli hungry so big ugly monster grind Cecilia into a pile of flesh 1st before eating her.

Dum Dum Dum!

Da big ugly monster is still hungry, so da big ugly monster continue looking for other people to eat.

==================================

Edison shot awake, gasping for breath. "Gosh... that was the most freakishly freakish dream I've ever had!"

[the blur one]

what a nightmare.

i scleamd veli veli loud too.