Spreading the hate...

[Ken Cheng]

Now, if you don't mind telling, what exactly did your cousins do?
I've been through my fair share of very negative peer interactions when I was younger, and it would take something very serious for it to leave a scar on me the way how this incident is doing to you.

It's like the final verse of the Pink Floyd song "Comfortably Numb:" "I cannot explain; you would not understand. This is not how I am."

[xJadedx]

If you don't try, you won't know.

[Ken Cheng]

If you don't try, you won't know.

I know. What appears trivial to other people is *very* serious to me, but to understand it, you need the sum total of ALL my experiences while growing up. It would make no sense otherwise.

[yittz]

Do you think your cousins will understand after that many years? Or does that not matter regardless?

[Ken Cheng]

Do you think your cousins will understand after that many years? Or does that not matter regardless?

It probably doesn't matter. No matter what, however, they must know. That NO ONE knows (well, I suppose you guys now know) is a big part of the problem.

[remember_Cedric]

Ken, if it is a comparism between you and YG, it's easy. Your cousins who are grown-up now should know by now and able to agree that YG doesn't exist in the real world so you can easily own YG if you could pay Mr Kam a visit sometime.

[Ken Cheng]

Ken, if it is a comparism between you and YG, it's easy. Your cousins who are grown-up now should know by now and able to agree that YG doesn't exist in the real world.

There's more to it than that, though.

They need to know and acknowledge that what they did all those years ago was wrong, no matter how unintentional it was, and that it had horrible consequences for me. They need to know that a few weeks' of youthful thoughtlessness caused a lifetime of suffering.

They need to know all that.

[Guo Xiang]

They didn't know the harm they caused you against you know the harm you could possibly cause them soon.

Hmm.

[Ren Wo Xing]

Are you serious? You're going to try and lay 25 years of 'suffering' on their shoulders for something stupid they did as kids?

Even if there is a direct causation, the fact remains that the only person you have to blame for allowing '25 years of suffering' to result from their stupid juvenile crap is you yourself. It's not exactly as though you're the only person whose ever had tough or humiliating moments in childhood. Hell, I'll wager most people here have undergone similar types of experiences, but no one else has ended up like you.

I'll wish you luck, but quite frankly, I expect your cousins to be just as incredulous as the members of this forum are.

[Ken Cheng]

They didn't know the harm they caused you against you know the harm you could possibly cause them soon.

Hmm.

There's a twenty-five year imbalance here; I've eaten it by myself long enough.

[yittz]

Gees, I really wonder what they did. It's sounds as serious as proper abuse.

Imo, you will get over this faster if you just drop it, instead of bringing it up with your cousins.

No offense, if you go up to me and started confronting me with an incident that I may/may not feel responsible for 25 years ago, you are unlikely to get the response you are seeking. Pity and ridicule is the last thing you need right now.

Clearly you figured something out after all those years, it's never to late to act in the right direction.

[Ken Cheng]

Gees, I really wonder what they did. It's sounds as serious as proper abuse.

Imo, you will get over this faster if you just drop it.

If I could do that, none of the past twenty-five years or this discussion would have been necessary.

That I can't means that "dropping it" is not an option. It never has been for me.

This confrontation can't be avoided anymore.

[PJ]

I really hope your cousins are extremely generous and understanding people. If they refuse to acknowledge what you want them to acknowledge, will you go crazy and descend even further? And Are you prepared for what if they do not acknowledge?

[Candide]

His cousins will probably tell him to build a bridge.

What's the worst thing a cousin could do at that age? Call you fat and fart on your head while you're sleeping?

Ah sh!t, I think I owe my cousin an apology for that one...

[remember_Cedric]

If I could do that, none of the past twenty-five years or this discussion would have been necessary.

That I can't means that "dropping it" is not an option. It never has been for me.

This confrontation can't be avoided anymore.

Ken, I was in a similar emotional situation before but mine would probably have driven you to plan a scheme to murder that person. Really.

It happened more than a year ago. Nothing was going right for me, I was depressed and future seems to be coated by a shade of grey. I was stuck in an "ice-chamber" and I still had to face a load of bullsh1t, plus a series of drama to make it all more "exciting". Then, this cow out of some turkey house still make my life difficult by showing her colours to me, stepping on my tail. It's difficult to just shallow that kind of pride (my stubbornness may not weigh less than yours and I'm extremely prideful), especially when I'm not accountable to her at all. Absolutely not! It's not about work BTW.

Reality, however, had signalled me to move on. There's really nothing I can do besides moving on. Unless miracle happens, and time go back to that moment for me to teach that cow a lesson.

What would you do if you're in my shoes?

[Ken Cheng]

I really hope your cousins are extremely generous and understanding people. If they refuse to acknowledge what you want them to acknowledge, will you go crazy and descend even further? And Are you prepared for what if they do not acknowledge?

I don't know. I am prepared, however, to burn whatever bridges I need to achieve my objective.

Ken, I was in a similar emotional situation before but mine would probably have driven you to plan a scheme to murder that person. Really.

It happened more than a year ago. Nothing was going right for me, I was depressed and future seems to be coated by a shade of grey. I was stuck in an "ice-chamber" and I still had to face a load of bullsh1t, plus a series of drama to make it all more "exciting". Then, this cow out of some turkey house still make my life difficult by showing her colours to me, stepping on my tail. It's difficult to just shallow that kind of pride (my stubbornness may not weigh less than yours and I'm extremely prideful), especially when I'm not accountable to her at all. Absolutely not! It's not about work BTW.

Reality, however, had signalled me to move on. There's really nothing I can do besides moving on. Unless miracle happens, and time go back to that moment for me to teach that cow a lesson.

What would you do if you're in my shoes?

I don't know. I doubt I would contemplate murder, however, because I'd be terrible at planning and carrying it out.

[PJ]

I don't know. I am prepared, however, to burn whatever bridges I need to achieve my objective.

The first part of your objective is fine: let them know what they did "damaged" you. You can easily achieve that just by telling them.

The second part however, is to get their acknowledgment that they contributed to your suffering, which requires their compliance with your demand. You would not be able to achieve this goal if they refuse to acknowledge, would you? So if you want to achieve this goal, I suggest you put some thought into it.

[darkcser]

It happened more than a year ago. Nothing was going right for me, I was depressed and future seems to be coated by a shade of grey. I was stuck in an "ice-chamber" and I still had to face a load of bullsh1t, plus a series of drama to make it all more "exciting". Then, this cow out of some turkey house still make my life difficult by showing her colours to me, stepping on my tail. It's difficult to just shallow that kind of pride (my stubbornness may not weigh less than yours and I'm extremely prideful), especially when I'm not accountable to her at all. Absolutely not! It's not about work BTW.

Maybe I'm just not hanging with the right crowd but that lingo was just odd. Is that how cool people speak these days? Cow out of some turkey house... stepping on your tail? Some sort of artsy, angsty, descent into hell, stream of consciousness rant?

[Ren Wo Xing]

'Stepping on my tail' is a direct translation of the relatively often-used Chinese phrase, "踩我尾巴"; it means that someone acted in a way to really offend you. Not sure what the turkey house thing refers to.

[darkcser]

'Stepping on my tail' is a direct translation of the relatively often-used Chinese phrase, "踩我尾巴"; it means that someone acted in a way to really offend you. Not sure what the turkey house thing refers to.

I got the stepping on tail part but the whole farm animal imagery bordered on cognitive dissonance for me -I thought someone spiked my tea or something the first time I saw that.