The Deer and The Cauldron

[smurf120]

Hugs Foxs! WXB certainly gets lucky with things he overhears and even Kangxi hatches a plan for him to let everyone go, but it is his own elite powers of sweet talking, cheekiness, and bargaining that keeps everyone on their toes!

[tweety365]

Thanks for the updates, foxs! Greatly appreciate it.

[foxs]

You are welcome, Sky, Smurf and Tweety. So glad you guys are still around.

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Kangxi said, “You’d better adapt to the situation, but you must be careful, don’t let the Imperial Bodyguards kill you first.”

Wei Xiaobao stuck out his tongue and said, “If I get killed by the Imperial Bodyguards, that means I would die without knowing the rhyme or reason, Xiao Guizi became rebellious traitor’s collaborator instead.”

Kangxi rubbed his palms together in extreme excitement, he said, “Xiao Guizi, if you successfully accomplish this mission, what reward do you want from me?”

Wei Xiaobao said, “If successfully accomplish this mission, Your Majesty will be happy. As long as Your Majesty is happy, any reward is good. Next time Your Majesty is thinking about something fascinating, something fun but dangerous thing to do, you will send me again, and that will be very good.”

Kangxi was delighted. “Certainly, certainly!” he said, “Ay, Xiao Guizi, too bad you are an eunuch, otherwise I will definitely make you a high-ranking official.”

Wei Xiaobao’s heart was moved. “Thank you, Your Majesty,” but in his heart he thought, “The day will come when you will discover that I am a fake eunuch; at that time I don’t know how angry you will be.” He said, “Your Majesty, I am asking you for one favor.”

Kangxi smiled, “Do you want to be a high-ranking official?” he asked.

“No!” Wei Xiaobao replied, “I will do whatever you want me to do with red-bellied devotion, if I came across a misfortune, and provoked Your Majesty’s anger, I am asking you to spare my life and do not take my head.”

Kangxi said, “As long as you serve me with utter devotion, your melon-shaped head will sit steadily on your neck.” Finished speaking, he burst into loud laughter.

Coming out of the Upper Study Room, Wei Xiaobao mused, “I was thinking of freeing Xiao Junzhu and Miss Fang for the Mu Palace, but based on what His Majesty said a moment ago, the release of the assassins has become an imperial order, so there is no hurry to let those two young ladies go. About the assassins’ true leader, Laozi has just had a drink with them a while ago; shall I let the Emperor know and have that little turtle Mu Jiansheng and that old fellow Liu Dahong arrested? But if Shifu knew I did it, he would never forgive me. Damn it, in the end, do I still want to be a Tian Di Hui Xiangzhu?”

In the Palace, everybody fawned on him, plus Kangxi doted on him and trusted him very much. In that instant, he was really thinking of staying in the Palace and be an eunuch for the rest of his life. But then he thought about the Empress Dowager and could not stop his heart from trembling, “That Old Wh0re is determined to seek my demise, Laozi will not last for a long time in the Palace.”

He arrived at the Imperial Bodyguards’ compound west of the Palace of Heavenly Purity. The leader of the Imperial Bodyguards on duty was precisely Zhao Qixian. The previous night he had already distributed money, and today from the Imperial Bodyguards Chief Dolong he received some more rewards; he found out it was because Wei Xiaobao had spoken words of praise in front of the Emperor. As soon as he saw Wei Xiaobao arrived, his delight was unspeakable; he sprang up to greet him, saying with a laugh, “Gui Gong-gong, what good wind has blown your honorable self’s presence in this place?”

Wei Xiaobao said with a laugh, “I am here to take a look at those brazen rebellious thieves.” Stepping closer to his ears, he said in a low voice, “His Majesty sends me here to help with the interrogation, he wants to know who the master mind behind their action.”

Zhao Qixian nodded. “Yes,” he said, and continued in low voice, “These three rebellious thieves are so tight-lipped, we have already broken two leather whips, they still stick to their original statement, that Wu Sangui sent them here.”

“Let me try to ask them,” Wei Xiaobao said.

Entering the western hall, he saw three men were tied to the wooden pillars, their naked upper bodies had already been badly mutilated by flogging. One was a big man with beard like a young horned-dragon, the other two were twenty-something young men, one was fair-skinned, the other had tattoo all over his body, he had a fierce looking tiger head tattooed on his chest. “I wonder if one of these two young men is Liu Yizhou?” Wei Xiaobao mused. Turning his head toward Zhao Qixian he said, “Zhao Dage, I am afraid you have caught the wrong persons. Please go out for a moment.”

“Yes,” Zhao Qixian replied; he turned around and left, closing the door behind him.

Wei Xiaobao asked, “May I know your honored surnames and great given names?”

The one with dragon-beard opened his glowering eyes, “Dog eunuch,” he cursed, “Do you think you are worthy to ask Laozi’s name?”

Lowering his voice, Wei Xiaobao said, “I received a request from someone to save a friend by the name of Liu Yizhou …” As soon as he said those words, astonishment appeared on the three men’s faces as they cast a glance toward each other.

The dragon-bearded man asked, “Who requested it?”

“Is there any Liu Yizhou among you or not?” Wei Xiaobao asked, “If there is, I have something to say; if not, that’s all I can say.”

The three men were looking at each other again, they looked doubtful, afraid that they might be duped. The dragon-bearded man asked again, “Who are you?”

Wei Xiaobao said, “The two friends who asked me, one is surnamed Mu, the other is surnamed Liu, ‘Iron Back Blue Dragon’. Do you know him?”

The dragon-bearded man loudly said, “Who does not know the ‘Iron Back Blue Dragon’ Liu Dahong in the Yunnan, Guizhou and Sichuan region? Mu Jiansheng is Mu Tianbo’s son, he is wandering destitute in Jianghu, at this moment nobody knows whether he is dead or alive.” While saying that, he repeatedly shook his head.

Wei Xiaobao nodded and said, “Since the three of you do not know Xiao Gongye and Liu Laoyezi, you can’t be their friends, so it may be assumed that you do not know these styles.” While saying that, he struck a posture, and then demonstrated the two moves of the Mu Family fist technique; naturally it was the ‘sweeping away a thousand army’ and 'high mountain flowing water'.

“Ah!” the young man with tiger head tattoo on his chest exclaimed. Wei Xiaobao halted, “What is it?” he asked. “Nothing,” the man replied.

“Who taught you those styles?” the dragon-bearded man asked.

“My wife taught me,” Wei Xiaobao replied with a laugh.

“Pei!” the dragon-bearded man spat, “What wife does a court eunuch have?” While saying that, he was constantly shaking his head. At first he cursed Wei Xiaobao as ‘dog eunuch’, after hearing the strange thing he said and the unusual way he behaved, he dropped the ‘dog’ character.

“Why can’t a court eunuch have a wife?” Wei Xiaobao said, “Others are willing to marry, why do you care about it? My wife is surnamed Fang, with the single character given name Yi …”

The fair-skinned young man suddenly bellowed, “Nonsense!”

Wei Xiaobao saw blue veins suddenly stuck out on his forehead, his eyes were spouting fire, his anxiety had reached its extreme point, so he presumed this man must be Liu Yizhou. He had a rectangular face, quite handsome; it’s just that under his violent rage, unavoidably his appearance looked rather fearsome. Wei Xiaobao said with a laugh, “What nonsense? My wife is the later generation of the surnamed Fang of the Mu Family four great generals, Liu Bai Fang Su. The one acting as our matchmaker is surnamed Su, his name is Su Gang, nicknamed 'Divine Physician Hermit'. There is also another matchmaker surnamed Bai, his older brother Bai Hansong was recently killed. That Bai Hanfeng is extremely poor, so he is acting as a matchmaker to earn money, to prepare for his older brother’s funeral …”

The more that young man listened, the angrier he got. “You … you … you …” he roared.

The dragon-bearded man shook his head and said, “Xiongdi, don’t make noise.” To Wei Xiaobao he said, “You seemed to know a lot about the Mu Palace’s affairs.”

Wei Xiaobao said, “I am Mu Palace’s son-in-law, how could I not know the affairs of my old man father-in-law? Originally Fang Yi, Miss Fang was unwilling to marry me, she said she was engaged to her Shige Liu Yizhou. But then she heard that this surnamed Liu did not make any progress, he threw himself under the leadership of the big traitor Wu Sangui, and entered the Imperial Palace as an assassin. Just think … that big traitor Wu Sangui …” Speaking to this point, he lowered his voice and continued, “… colluding with the Tatars, surrendering our beautiful Great Ming’s rivers and mountains to the dog thieves Manchurian Qing with both hands. Not one of our Han people does not want to peel this fellow Wu Sangui’s skin and eat his flesh. Why would that fellow Liu Yizhou rely on a bad master, Wu Sangui? Naturally Miss Fang’d face is downcast, she does not want to marry him anymore.”

“I … I … I …” the young man anxiously said.

The dragon-bearded man shook his head, “Everybody has his own ambition,” he said, “Sire became a court eunuch in Qing Palace, which not a very honorable thing.”

“Right, right!” Wei Xiaobao said, “Naturally it is not a very honorable thing. My wife is anxious over her old flame, she wanted me to investigate clearly, whether that Liu Yizhou has died or not. If he is really dead, she will marry me with a clear conscience, henceforth does not have to worry over the deceased. She only wants to set up a memorial tablet for her Liu Shige, and burn some ritual paper money for him. Friends, there is no Liu Yizhou among you, is there? Then I shall return to Miss Fang, tonight we are going to bow to the Heaven and Earth to get married.” Saying that, he turned around to leave.

The young man said, “I am …” But the dragon-bearded man shouted, “Don’t be fooled!” The young man struggled a moment, he said angrily, “He … he …” suddenly he spat toward Wei Xiaobao.

Wei Xiaobao dodged sideways. He saw that the hands and feet of those three were firmly bound to the pillars using thick ox tendon, it was definitely very hard for them to struggle free. He mused, “This man is obviously Liu Yizhou, he was about to confess, but was stopped by that bearded man.” After thinking for a moment, he had another idea; he said, “You wait here, I am going to ask my wife again.”

Returning to the outside, he said to Zhao Qixian, “I have found a clue. Don’t beat them anymore; I will be back in a moment.”

By this time the sky had darkened, Wei Xiaobao thought that Fang Yi and Mu Jianping should be very hungry by now, so he did not go straight back to his room, but stopped by the Catering Department instead, to instruct his subordinate eunuchs to deliver a sumptuous banquet to his room, saying that he wanted to invite the Imperial Bodyguards who had set up some merits the previous night to a banquet to congratulate them, that they were going to discuss some confidential matter on capturing the assassins during the banquet, therefore, he did not need any little eunuchs to wait upon them.

He unlocked his room and lightly pushed the door to the inner room. Mu Jianping cried out lightly and sat up. “What took you so long to come back?” she asked in soft voice.

“I made you very anxious waiting for me, didn’t I?” Wei Xiaobao said, “I have good news.”

Fang Yi lifted her head from the pillow and asked, “What good news?”

Wei Xiaobao lighted the candle on the table, he saw Fang Yi’s eyes were red, apparently she had been crying. He sighed and said, “This good news is for you, but for me it is a very bad news. I have just succeeded in obtaining a good wife, now she flew away into the thin air. Ay, that fellow Liu Yizhou unexpectedly has not died.”

“Ah!” Fang Yi let out a cry, her voice was brimming with joy.

Mu Jianping happily asked, “Is our Liu Shige safe and sound?”

“He has not died all right,” Wei Xiaobao replied, “But it might not be easy for him to stay alive. He was captured by the Imperial Bodyguards in the Palace, and stated decisively that he was sent by the big traitor Wu Sangui to assassinate the Emperor. With his capital crime, no doubt it will be difficult for him to escape, but if this news ever spread out, the Jianghu heroes and warriors will all say that he has become Wu Sangui’s lackey, after he is beheaded, his reputation will stink very much.”

Fang Yi raised her upper body and said, “Before entering the Imperial Palace, we have already considered this possibility, but in order to topple this traitor Wu Sangui and avenge the bitter hatred and deep enmity of the late emperor and Mu Gongye, we have already abandoned any thought to our own lives and our reputation after we died.”

Wei Xiaobao raised his thumb, “Good,” he said, “You have moral backbone! Wu Laogong [see footnote 8 of Chapter 11] admires you very much. Miss Fang, we have an important matter we need to discuss. If I can save your Liu Shige’s life, what would you do?”

The light in Fang Yi’s eyes flickered, her cheeks blushed, she said, “If you can seriously save my Liu Shige’s life, no matter what difficult or dangerous thing you want me to do, Fang Yi will not knit my brows.” She said those words with determination in her voice, it was extremely straightforward.

“What if we make a deal?” Wei Xiaobao said, “Xiao Junzhu can be our witness. If I can save your Liu Shige and get him out, and hand him over to Xiao Gongye Mu Jiansheng and ‘Iron Back Blue Dragon’ Liu Dahong …”

“You know my Gege and my Shifu?” Mu Jianping interrupted.

“The Mu Family’s Xiao Gongye and ‘Iron Back Blue Dragon’ have grand reputation,” Wei Xiaobao said, “Who does not know them? Who has never heard of their names?”

“You are a good person,” Mu Jianping said, “If you save Liu Shige’s life, everybody will be very grateful of your kindness.”

Wei Xiaobao shook his head, “I am not a good person,” he said, “I am simply making a deal. This man Liu Yizhou is not a small matter, he is a criminal who came to assassinate the Emperor himself. By wanting to save him, I am placing my own life in great danger, am I right? If the government authority found out, not only my own head would roll, my grandpas, grandmas, papa, mama, my three Gege, four Meizi, plus my uncles, aunts, cousins[1], everybody at home would lose their heads, am I right? This is called ‘execution of the whole family unto the third generation’. The gold, silver, house, pots and pans, pants, shoes, everything in my home would belong to the government official, am I right?”

Each time he asked, ‘am I right?’ Mu Jianping nodded her head.

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[11] I just want to point out that Wei Xiaobao’s list was a lot longer than this: paternal and maternal grandparents (yeye, nainai, waigong, waipo), maternal uncles and aunts and their spouses (yizhang, yimu, jiujiu, jiumu), paternal aunts and their husbands (guzhang, gumu), maternal cousins, male and female, younger and older (biaoge, biaodi, biaojie, biaomei). Interestingly, he did not mention other relatives from his father’s side (paternal uncles and their spouses and paternal cousins).

[SkyWalker]

Thanks for the update foxs.

[JoeLee]

Thanks foxs!

[tweety365]

Still here and still reading! We greatly appreciate all your hard work, foxs!
JY really makes it easy for WXB to accomplish such an impossible task.

[aliderhamy]

hee he hee

this made me smile... was a freindly read, you know everything is going to turn out well, but its still very interesting.

[Ace High]

foxs, i'm just wondering, is it 'Blue Dragon' or 'Green Dragon'? If i'm not mistaken, although 青 is used for both green and blue, it should be green since its represent the wood element.

[foxs]

Sky, JoeLee, you are welcome. Tweety, isn't that what's generally happens to the protagonist? Series of fortunate incidents to keep the story going? Ali, have you read Minford's version? Ace, the character is 苍, my dictionary says blue.

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“Exactly right,” Fang Yi said, “The implication of this matter is too great, I can’t simply ask you to do it. In any case, if my … my … my Shige died, I don’t want to live. Let’s just resign to our fate.” While saying that, tears flooding down on her face.

Wei Xiaobao said, “There’s no hurry to grieve, there’s no hurry to cry. You are such a ‘bashful flower obstructing the moon’, as soon as your tears flow, my heart turns soft. Miss Fang, I’ll do anything for you. I will definitely save your Liu Shige’s life and get him out. Let’s settle this now: if I cannot save and get your Liu Shige out, I will become your ox or your horse, your slave for the rest of my life; if I can save and get your Liu Shige out, you will be my wife for the rest of your life. A real man gave his words, some horses cannot chase it, and that’s that.”

Fang Yi looked at him in a daze, the color on her cheek gradually vanished, until her face turned deathly pale. “Gui Dage,” she said, “In order to save Liu Shige’s life, whatever … I am willing to do whatever you want me to. If you really can rescue him to safety and he is safe and sound, and you want me to serve you … to serve you for the rest of my life, it won’t be impossible. It’s just that … It’s just that …” She had just spoken those words when there were footsteps outside, and then someone called out, “Gui Gong-gong, the food and wine is here.” Fang Yi stopped talking immediately.

“Alright!” Wei Xiaobao said. He walked out the room, locked the inside door, and open the front door.

Four eunuchs carried food, bowls and cups on a shoulder pole. They entered the room and set up the table in the front room. There were twelve large bowls of vegetable and meat dishes, plus one pot of Yunnan’s steamed chicken. The four eunuchs arranged eight set of bowl and chopsticks, and then respectfully said, “Gui Gong-gong, is there anything else you need?”

“This will do,” Wei Xiaobao said, “You may go back.” Each person received one tael tip. The four eunuchs returned, pleased with the heaven, happy with the earth.

Wei Xiaobao bolted the front door, and brought the food into the inner room. He pulled a table to the front of the bed, poured three cups of wine and scooped three bowls of rice. “Miss Fang,” he said, “Just now you said, ‘It’s just that … It’s just that …’, what was it that you were going to say?”

By now Mu Jianping had helped Fang Yi to sit up, the color on her face had returned. She lowered her head and was silent for half a day before finally spoke in a low voice, “I was going to say that you are an officer in the Palace, how can you marry? But no matter what, if you can save my Liu Shige’s life, I will accompany you for the rest of my life.”

Her countenance was sparkling and translucent like jade, shining pink under the candlelight, so out-of-the-worldly tender and beautiful. Although Wei Xiaobao was very young, he looked at her as if his soul had left him. He laughed and said, “Turns out you wanted to say that I am an eunuch, and thus cannot take a wife. Whether I take a wife or not, it’s my business, it’s none of your concern. I just want to ask you: are you or are you not willing to be my wife?”

Fang Yi’s delicate eyebrows were slightly wrinkled, a faint trace of anger appeared on her face. After half a day she made up her mind and said, “Let alone be your wife, even if you sell me to the pleasure house to be a prostitute, I am also willing.”

If any other man were to hear it, he definitely would not be happy, but Wei Xiaobao grew up in a brothel, so he did not feel anything strange. With a chuckle he said, “Alright, it’s a deal. Good wife, Good Meizi, let the three of us drink a cup.”

At first Fang Yi did not even regard this little eunuch someone worthy of her attention, and then she saw how he personally stabbed the Imperial Bodyguard Deputy Chief Rui Dong and dissolved his body with some strange medicine. She also saw how the Imperial Bodyguards and his fellow eunuchs were very respectful toward him; now she believed definitely nothing was ordinary about him. Liu Yizhou was the man she fell in love with, although they had not formalized their engagement, their two hearts already beat as one; one would not want to take another as husband [orig. ‘lord’], the other would not love another as wife. The previous night the two of them entered the Palace on mission together, Fang Yi saw with her own eyes Liu Yizhou slipped and was captured by the Imperial Bodyguards, while herself suffered an injury, so that she was unable to help. She thought that her boyfriend had given his life for their common cause; who would have thought that this little eunuch said that not only her lover did not die, he even said that he could find a way to rescue him. She thought, “As long as Liu Lang[12] can escape from danger, although I have to suffer hardship for the rest of my life, I will still thank the Heaven for not treating me badly. How can this little eunuch take me as his wife anyway? He’s just oily-mouthed and a smooth-talker, he only wants to win the argument, I might as well play along with him.” As she thought about this reasoning, she showed a faint smile as she raised the wine cup with both hands, saying, “I will drink this cup of wine with you, but if you do not save my Liu Shige, you won’t escape being a ghost by my sword.”

Seeing her flowery dimples, Wei Xiaobao’s heart was very happy; he also raised the wine cup with both hands and said, “May our words be like striking nail through the foot, there will be no denial. If I save your Liu Shige, but you go back on your words and marry him, then what? With the two of you join hands and feet, I won’t be your match; he sweeps his saber across, you hack your sword down, I, Gui Gong-gong, will immediately turn into four pieces. I simply cannot not guard against this thing.”

With a smile on her face Fang Yi solemnly said, “By the Emperor of Heaven above and the Queen of Earth below, if Gui Gong-gong can rescue Liu Yizhou and bring him to safety, the lowly woman Fang Yi will be willing to be Gui Gong-gong’s wife, and will be loyal and dependable to my husband with singleness of heart for the rest of my life, even if Gui Gong-gong cannot take me as wife for real, I am dead set on taking care of him for a lifetime. If I am double-minded, let me be cut into ten thousand pieces and will not be reincarnated.” Finished speaking, she poured the wine to the floor. She also said, “Xiao Junzhu is my witness.”

Wei Xiaobao was ecstatic, he turned to ask Mu Jianping, “Good Meizi, do you have any sweetheart you want me to rescue?”

“Of course I don’t!” Mu Jianping replied, “How can I have any sweetheart?”

“What a pity, what a pity!” Wei Xiaobao said.

“What a pity what?” Mu Jianping asked.

“If you have a sweetheart,” Wei Xiaobao explained, “I will also rescue him and get him out, then won’t you also be willing to be my wife?”

“Pei!” Mu Jianping spat, “You already have one wife and it’s not enough? What an endless greed[13]!”

Wei Xiaobao laughed and said, “The toad wants to eat the swan’s flesh! Hey, Good Meizi, other than your Liu Shige, there are two other men being captured, one with jaw full of whiskers …”

“That must be Wu Shishu[14],” Mu Jianping said.

“The other has tattoo all over his body,” Wei Xiaobao said, “With a tiger head on his chest.”

“That must be Blue Haired Tiger Ao Biao,” Mu Jianping said, “He is Wu Shishu’s disciple.”

“What is that Wu Shishu’s name?” Wei Xiaobao asked.

“Wu Shishu’s name is Wu Lishen,” Mu Jianping replied, “His nickname is Shaking-head Lion.”

Wei Xiaobao laughed and said, “That nickname is very appropriate, whatever other people say, he always shakes his head.”

“Gui Dage,” Mu Jianping said, “Since you are going to rescue Liu Shige, you might as well try to rescue Wu Shishu and Ao Shige.”

“Do your Wu Shishu and Ao Biao also have ‘bashful flower obstructing the moon’ women?” Wei Xiaobao asked.

“I don’t know,” Mu Jianping replied, “Why do you ask?”

Wei Xiaobao replied, “I am going to ask their good-looking women first, to see if they would be willing to let me take an advantage, otherwise, won’t I be staking my life to save others in vain?” Suddenly a dark shadow flashed before his eyes, some kind of object flew toward his face. Wei Xiaobao hastily ducked, but he was too late. ‘Crash!’ that object smashed right in the middle of his forehead. It was a wine cup.

“Aiyo!” Wei Xiaobao and Mu Jianping cried out together. Wei Xiaobao leaped three steps backward, and crashed into a chair. Blood streamed down from his forehead, wine blurred his vision that all he saw was a vast expanse of whiteness.

He heard Fang Yi shouted harshly, “Go and kill Liu Yizhou immediately, your Miss does not want to live anymore, so that I won’t receive this kind of senseless humiliation from you all day!” Turned out the wine cup was thrown by Fang Yi. Luckily, due to her severe wound, she lost the strength of her hand. Wei Xiaobao’s forehead was hit by the wine cup, but the scratch was only skin deep.

Mu Jianping said, “Gui Dage, come here, let me look at your wound, don’t let the broken porcelain pieces remain in your flesh.”

“I am not coming near you,” Wei Xiaobao said, “My own wife wants to murder her husband.”

“Who told you to speak nonsense?” Mu Jianping said, “You want to take advantage of other women. Even I was angry to hear it.”

Wei Xiaobao burst into loud laughter. “Ah, I get it,” he said, “Turns out the two of you are drinking vinegar. Hearing that I was going to take advantage of other women, my first wife, my second wife, are drinking vinegar in a big way.”

Mu Jianping picked up her wine cup and said, “What did you call me? See if I don’t throw this wine cup on you.”

Wei Xiaobao used his sleeve to wipe his eyes. Seeing Mu Jianping pretend to be angry, but with a slight smile at the tips on her brow and the corners of her eyes, also Fang Yi look apologetic, although his forehead was painful, Wei Xiaobao’s heart was very happy. He said, “My first wife threw a wine cup, if my second wife did not throw, it would be unfair.” He took a step forward and said, “Second wife may throw the wine cup!”

“Alright!” Mu Jianping said. Raising her hand, she splashed the half-cup of wine onto his face.

Unexpectedly Wei Xiaobao did not evade; the half-cup of wine trickled down his face. He stuck his tongue out and licked the blood and wine on his face, saying, “Delicious, delicious! The first wife cut the blood, plus the second wife splashed the wine. Aiyo! I die tasty, I die tasty!”

Mu Jianping was the first to laugh, followed by a ‘pft!’ from Fang Yi; she could not restrain her laughter. “Rascal!” she cursed. From her bosom she produced a handkerchief and gave it to Mu Jianping, saying, “Wipe his face.”

Mu Jianping laughed and said, “You are the one who hurt others, why do I have to wipe it?”

Covering her mouth, Fang Yi said, “Aren’t you his second wife?”

“Pei!” Mu Jianping spat, “You promised yourself to him just a moment ago, I did not promise him anything.”

Fang Yi laughed and said, “Who said you haven’t promise him anything? He said, ‘Second wife may throw the wine cup’, and you raised your wine cup and splashed him; isn’t that the same as you agree to be his second wife?”

Wei Xiaobao laughed. “That’s right, that’s right!” he said, “My first wife is hurt, my second wife is also hurt. The two of you may set your hearts at ease; I am not going to fool around with other women.”

Fang Yi told Wei Xiaobao to come over; seeing there was no porcelain fragment in his forehead wound, she wiped the blood from his face.

The three of them could not drink wine anymore, their stomachs were hungry, so they ate quite a lot of food. Chatting and joking, gaiety filled the room.

Finished eating, Wei Xiaobao yawned and said, “Shall I sleep with the first wife tonight, or the second wife?”

Fang Yi’s countenance was grim, she sternly said, “You should stop cracking jokes; if you ever get into the bed, I’ll … I’ll kill you with a sword.”

Wei Xiaobao stuck out his tongue and said, “There will come a day when my old life will be delivered in your hands.” Moving the food to the outside hall, he fetched a woven mat and spread it on the floor, and slept fully clothed. At this time he was really weary, so in just a short moment he fell fast asleep.

The next morning when he woke up, he felt his body was nice and warm. When he opened his eyes, he saw that his body was covered with a quilt; he also felt a pillow under his head. He sat up and noticed the muslin curtain above the bed was hanging down. Through the mosquito net he could faintly see Fang Yi and Mu Jianping were sleeping side by side.

Quietly he stood up and opened the curtain. He saw Fang Yi was tender and beautiful, Mu Jianping was exquisite. The two beautiful women’s smart faces were reflecting each other, they looked like bright pearl or beautiful jade; his heart was unspeakably moved by their beauty. Wei Xiaobao could not bear the desire to give each one a kiss on the mouth, but he was afraid he might awaken them. “Damn it,” he cursed in his heart, “If these two young ladies truly became my first wife and second wife, Laozi will be very happy. There is no young lady as charming as they in the Lovely Spring Courtyard.”

As quietly as possible he opened the door. The door hinge creaked, Fang Yi immediately opened her eyes; she smiled and said, “Gui … Gui … Good morning.”

“Gui what?” Wei Xiaobao asked, “You did not even call me Good Husband.”

“But you have not rescued him yet,” Fang Yi replied.

“Don’t worry,” Wei Xiaobao said, “I am going to rescue him.”

Mu Jianping also woke up, “What are you talking about this early in the morning?” she asked.

“We did not sleep at all,” Wei Xiaobao replied, “The two of us talked heart to heart the entire night.” He yawned, patted his mouth, and said, “I am so sleepy, I am so sleepy! I want to sleep now.” And then he stretched.

Fang Yi blushed, she said, “How can I talk anything good with you? How can it be considered the entire night?”

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[12] Lit. ‘youth’; it is also a term of endearment to address one’s husband (or in this case, husband-to-be).

[13] Orig. ‘coveting Sichuan once Gansu has been seized’.

[14] Younger martial uncle.

[pannonian]

[I]Sky, JoeLee, you are welcome. Tweety, isn't that what's generally happens to the protagonist? Series of fortunate incidents to keep the story going?

Unless you're reading a Thomas Hardy novel, in which case a series of improbably unfortunate incidents keeps the story going. I know he's going for tragedy, but at times the sheer ridiculousness of his stories turns it into black comedy for those inclined to think that way. I'd love to have seen Hardy's version of A Christmas Carol. Scrooge would probably end the story by hanging himself out of despair.

[Ace High]

Ace, the character is 苍, my dictionary says blue.

my dictionary says its dark blue or deep green

[SkyWalker]

Thanks for another quick update foxs.

WXB is really a rascal. You can never win the battle of words with him. His mouth is really something else.

[tweety365]

Tweety, isn't that what's generally happens to the protagonist? Series of fortunate incidents to keep the story going?

It just seems that WXB has more luck than most protagonists. Thanks for another quick update, foxs!

[athlonkmf]

It just seems that WXB has more luck than most protagonists. Thanks for another quick update, foxs!

That's why the themesong is this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vH1mzQSQLqA

[foxs]

Pannonian, I am not familiar with Thomas Hardy, is he the author of 'Series of Unfortunate Events' (Starring Jim Carrey)? Ace, since it can be blue or green, and we have already translated 青 as 'green', why can't we translate 苍 as blue? Sky, Tweety, remember his most advance the 'divine silver tongue' skill? Athlon, thanks for the link, unfortunately I don't know Cantonese (my paternal ancestors were Guangdong natives, but my Dad decided to have us, the kids, learned mandarin instead). Can you give us the translation of the lyric?

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Wei Xiaobao laughed. “Good wife,” he said, “We were talking decently. Please write a letter, I am going to give it to your Liu Shige, so that he will believe me and follow me out of the Palace. Or else he would become Wu Sangui’s son-in-law …”

“He pretends to be Wu Sangui’s son-in-law’s nephew,” Mu Jianping said.

“Since Miss Fang is going to be my wife, Liu Yizhou won’t have any choice but to be Wu Sangui’s son-in-law,” Wei Xiaobao said.

“Don’t prattle!” Fang Yi said, “Writing a letter is good. But … but what should I write?”

“Anything is alright,” Wei Xiaobao said, “Just write that I am your husband, the number one good person in the world, one with most yi qi, one who accepted your commission to come and rescue him. Genuine goods at fair prices, a hundred percent real gold.” He found Hai Dafu’s writing brush and ink stone, and some paper. He rubbed the ink, placed a sheet of white paper on the small table, and pushed the table to the front of the bed.

Fang Yi sat up and received the writing brush. Suddenly tears gushing out of her eyes; sobbing, she said, “What should I write?”

Seeing her cute but pitiful appearance, Wei Xiaobao’s heart suddenly turned soft. “You may write whatever you want to write,” he said, “I am illiterate anyway. You don’t need to write that you have become my wife, otherwise your Liu Shige will get angry and won’t want me to save him.”

“You are illiterate?” Fang Yi asked, “You are lying.”

Wei Xiaobao said, “If I know how to read, I am a turtle bastard, and not your husband; I am your son, your distant descendant.”

Fang Yi took up the pen, she hesitated, feeling it was hard to put the pen to the paper, she sobbed and sniffled, and finally broke into crying again. Wei Xiaobao’s heart was filled with heroic spirit, which was hard to suppress; he said in a loud voice, “Alright, alright! After I rescue Liu Yizhou and take him out, you can marry him, I don’t want to fight with him over you. Besides, even if you followed me, you would still want to be together with him anyway. Rather than wearing a green cap[15] in the future, become a cuckold, I’ll let you go free and happy, marry that damn Liu Yizhou. Just write whatever you love to write. Damn it, Laozi won’t care.”

With a pair of big eyes still brimming with tears, Fang Yi looked at him, and then she lowered her head, her gaze revealed a happy expression mixed with gratitude. She wrote several lines of characters on the paper, and then folded the paper into a square. “Please … please give it to him,” she said.

Wei Xiaobao cursed in his heart, “Damn it, now you don’t even call me Dage. Tear down the bridge after crossing the river, after setting off the flame, the monk is not needed anymore.” But since he had flaunted his heroic spirit, he had to put an air of hero, he could not force Fang Yi to be his wife anymore. He took the folded paper, put it into his pocket, and left without looking back. He mused, “Want to be a hero, one must suffer losses. Such a nice wife, and I have to present it with both hands to another man.”

By this time, the leader on duty at the Imperial Bodyguards’ compound by the Palace of Heavenly Purity was Zhang Kangnian. The previous night he had received the order from Dolong to give assistance to Gui Gong-gong who was on rescue mission to take the assassins out of the Palace, but he had to do it discreetly, without rousing the assassins’ suspicion. Seeing the arrival of Wei Xiaobao, he busily stepped forward to greet him. He gave an eye signal to Wei Xiaobao as he took him to the rockery outside. “Gui Gong-gong,” he said in low voice, “How are you going to rescue them?’

Seeing his friendly attitude, Wei Xiaobao thought, “His Majesty told me to kill one or two Imperial Bodyguards on this rescue mission, so that Liu Yizhou and the others won’t be suspicious. But this Zhang Laoge [‘Ol’ older brother Zhang’] is very good to me, I can’t bear to kill him. Luckily I have that stinky girl’s letter, that ‘deserved-to-die’ surnamed Liu will believe me a thousand times, ten thousand times.” After slight hesitation he said, “I’ll go in and interrogate these three sons of a turtle again, and then I’ll act accordingly.”

Zhang Kangnian laughed while cupping his fist and said, “Thank you very much Gui Gong-gong.”

“Thank me for what?” Wei Xiaobao asked.

Zhang Kangnian replied, “Xiao Ren simply handling matters following Gui Gong-gong’s suggestion. In the future I am sure Gong-gong will enjoy unceasing promotion. Xiao Ren will get promoted and enjoy riches, I won’t fail in everything I do.”

Wei Xiaobao smiled and said, “You only need to serve His Majesty with utter devotion, and then in the future you will have only one thing to fear.”

Zhang Kangnian was stunned. “What thing?” he asked.

Wei Xiaobao said, “That the storage in your home is too small, you can’t store more money.”

Zhang Kangnian laughed aloud. And then he lowered his voice and said, “Gong-gong, about a dozen of us have made a secret agreement that all of us will do our best to help Gong-gong accomplish your missions. Whatever happens we will support Gong-gong to achieve the Head Court Eunuch in the Palace.”

Wei Xiaobao smiled, “That would be wonderful!” he said, “Let’s wait until I am a few years older before we talk about it again.” Recalling how Qian Laoben delivered a live pig to patch a loophole, he asked, “Where did Deputy Chief Rui Dong go? Dolong Zongguan and all of you are very busy, how come I do not see Deputy Chief Rui?”

“Most likely the Empress Dowager sends him on a mission outside the Palace,” Zhang Kangnian replied.

Wei Xiaobao nodded. “When you see Deputy Chief Rui, tell him to come to my room,” he said, “His Majesty wanted me to ask him some questions.” Zhang Kangnian promised to do that.

Wei Xiaobao entered the Imperial Bodyguard building and went straight to the room where Liu Yizhou and the others, three people, were bound. He did not see them for only one night, but their spirits seemed to be weakened a lot. Although they did not receive any more beating, but two days and two nights without any food and drink, even a man made of iron would not be able to withstand. The seven or eight Imperial Bodyguards keeping watch over them stood up and paid their respect to Wei Xiaobao; their manner was very respectful.

Wei Xiaobao loudly said, “His Majesty has issued an imperial decree: these three rebellious thieves committed treason and heresy, they are to be immediately beheaded in public. Quickly get some wine, meat, rice and vegetables, let them eat until they are full, so that when they die, they won’t be hungry ghosts.” The Imperial Bodyguards complied with one voice.

The dragon-bearded man Wu Lishen said in loud voice, “We will be loyal to Ping Xi Wang to the death, we are leaving a good name for hundreds of generation, ten thousand times better than you, animals who become the lackeys of the Tatars.” One of the Imperial Bodyguards raised his whip and lashed it down, while cursing, “That rebellious thief Wu Sangui will be executed soon, along with his entire family to the third generation.”

Liu Yizhou looked agitated, his eyes were staring at the ceiling, his lips were trembling slightly, but nobody knew what he was saying.

The guards brought in three large bowls of rice and three large bowl of wine. Wei Xiaobao said, “When these three rebellious thieves heard they are going to be beheaded, they are shaking from fear all over. I am afraid that wine, they won’t be able to drink, rice, they won’t be able to swallow. I must bother three Xiongdi a little bit, please feed each of them two mouthful of wine, I don’t want them to drink too much. About the rice, please feed them. If they are drunk, they won’t feel the pain on their neck when their heads roll, it would be too easy for them. When they get to the underworld and Yanluo Wang sees three drunk ghosts, he will be very angry, and then each drunken ghost will get three hundred floggings with the stick. That means we are giving them too much of a bad time.” The Imperial Bodyguards laughed; then they fed the three prisoners the wine and the rice.

Wu Lishen gulping the wine and gobbling the rice, his expression was calm and composed. With each mouthful of rice he ate, Ao Biao uttered a curse, “Dog servant!” Liu Yizhou looked deathly pale, he could not swallow his food, only less than half a bowl later he shook his head and did not want to eat.

“That’s enough,” Wei Xiaobao said, “Everybody out. His Majesty ordered me to ask them some questions. After that, the beheading.”

Zhang Kangnian bowed and said, “Yes!” He led the Imperial Bodyguards out of the room and closed the door behind him.

When Wei Xiaobao heard the sound of their footsteps were far enough, he coughed and then leaned his head toward Wu Lishen, three people, sizing them up; his face showed a furtive smile.

“Dog eunuch,” Wu Lishen cursed, “What’s so funny?”

Wei Xiaobao laughed and said, “I am laughing on my own, what does it have to do with you?”

“Gong-gong,” Liu Yizhou suddenly said, “I … I am Liu Yizhou!”

Wei Xiaobao was startled, but before he could respond, Wu Lishen and Ao Biao shouted together, “What nonsense are you talking about?”

“Gong-gong,” Liu Yizhou said, “I am asking you to save me, please … please save us.”

Wu Lishen shouted loudly, “Greedy for life, afraid of death; what kind of hero or warrior are you? Why should you open your mouth asking for help?”

Liu Yizhou said, “He … he said Xiao Gongye and my Shifu asked … asked him to save … to save us.”

Wu Lishen shook his head and said, “He’s just trying to swindle us, and you believe him?”

Wei Xiaobao laughed and said, “Shaking Head Lion Wu Laoyezi [old master/old gentleman], when you look at my face, could you shake your head a little less?”

Wu Lishen was startled, “You … you …” he said.

Wei Xiaobao laughed and said, “And this gentleman Blue Haired Tiger Ao Biao, Ao Dage, is your proud disciple, isn’t he? Famous master must produce outstanding disciple; my utmost admiration.” Wu Lishen and Ao Biao’s countenance changed greatly; they were so surprised that they were at a loss.

From his pocket Wei Xiaobao produced the folded letter Fang Yi wrote. He unfolded it and held it in front of Liu Yizhou’s face. He laughed and said, “Look, who wrote this letter?”

As soon as Liu Yizhou looked, he was overjoyed; with a trembling voice he said, “It’s really Fang Shimei’s [younger martial sister] handwriting. Wu Shishu, Fang Shimei said that this … this Gong-gong came to rescue us, she is telling me to obey him in everything.”

“Bring it here, let me look,” Wu Lishen said.

Wei Xiaobao held the letter in front of Wu Lishen; he thought, “I wonder what words of love are written on it; my first wife has no sense of shame, she only wants to snatch a husband, she would write any overly romantic words of love.” He heard Wu Lishen read: “‘Liu Shige, Gui Gong-gong is one of us, his righteousness reaches the clouds and the sky, his action braves strange dangers, he has come to save, you must listen to Gui Gong-gong’s directives to escape from the tiger’s mouth. Younger sister Yi stated with her own hand.’ Um, there is special mark of our Mu Palace at the top; it’s actually not a fake.”

Hearing in the letter Fang Yi praised him with the words ‘his righteousness meager[16] to the clouds and the sky’, Wei Xiaobao was puzzled; he thought that the thicker the righteousness the better. When the righteousness is meager, it would only disappear into the air, what else there is to be left? But he had heard people saying those words several times before, so he knew it must be very good words of praise. He also heard that in the letter Fang Yi did not write any overly romantic words of love, he was even more delighted. “What do you mean it’s fake?” he asked.

“Gong-gong,” Liu Yizhou asked, “Where is my Fang Shimei?”

In his heart Wei Xiaobao said, “In my room.” But with his mouth he said, “At this moment she is hiding in a very safe place. After I save you and take you out, I’ll find a way to save her, so that you can meet her.”

Tears streaming down from Liu Yizhou’s eyes, sobbing, he said, “I don’t know how to repay Gong-gong’s great kindness and benevolence.” When a moment ago he heard Wei Xiaobao said that they were going to be beheaded right after eating and drinking, he was originally brave; but suddenly confronted with life juncture, his fear could not longer be restrained, and he blurted out that he was Liu Yizhou with the hope that in the face of imminent peril[17] he could somehow save his life. By the time he saw Fang Yi’s letter, he found that the chance of survival looked promising, his joy was beyond description.

Yet when facing death Wu Lishen was without any fear; he still wanted to investigate thoroughly. “May I know Sire’s honorable surname and great given name?” he asked, “Why are you willing to lend a hand?”

“I might as well explain everything clearly,” Wei Xiaobao said, “All my friends call me Lai Li Tou Xiao Sanzi. Don’t feel strange, I used to have skin disease and dysentery, but now I am healed. I have a good friend, the Xiangzhu of Green Wood Hall of Tian Di Hui, his name is Wei Xiaobao. He said that there is an old fellow in Tian Di Hui by the name of Eight-Arm Ape Xu Tianchuan, because of a dispute involving supporting Tang, supporting Gui, whatever, he killed your Mu Palace’s Bai Hansong. The Mu Family’s Xiao Gongye and Bai Hanfeng are unwilling to let the matter rest, but the dead can’t come back to life. Without any other option, that Wei Xiaobao came and asked me to rescue the three of you, to compensate the Mu Palace, giving careful consideration to the yi qi between the two sides.”

Wu Lishen was fully aware of the dispute with Tian Di Hui, his suspicion gone instantly, he shook his head continuously, and then nodded, saying, “So that’s how it is. Just now Zaixia said some offensive words, I have offended you.”

“You are too kind!” Wei Xiaobao said, “It’s just that we must think of an ingenious way of escaping from the Palace.”

“Whatever way Gui Gong-gong thought must be ingenious,” Liu Yizhou said, “We will obey your instructions.”

Wei Xiaobao mused, “I haven’t thought of any plan.” He asked Wu Lishen, “What strategy does Wu Laoyezi have?”

“There are too many dog Imperial Bodyguards in the Palace,” Wu Lishen said, “We can’t break out in the daytime, we’ll wait until night, you try to cut off the ox tendon binding our hands and feet, let us rush out and kill the enemy under the darkness.”

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[15] Wearing green cap – one’s spouse is having an affair behind one’s back.

[16] Orig. 义薄云天. Only in formal Chinese does '薄' mean 'approach/reaches'; thus, it's very natural for Wei Xiaobao to interpret it as meaning 'thin/meager', which is what '薄' usually means. (Courtesy of Ren Wo Xing)

[17] Orig. ‘a thousand pounds hangs by a thread’.

[Ren Wo Xing]

义薄云天 should be translated as "righteousness reaches the clouds and the sky". Only in formal Chinese does '薄' mean 'approach/reaches'; thus, it's very natural for Wei Xiaobao to interpret it as meaning 'thin/meager', which is what '薄' usually means.

[SkyWalker]

Thanks for the update foxs.

athlonkmf, that was a nice video, one of my favorite adaptation ever. Tony & Andy will always be the greatest WXB & Kangxi.

[JoeLee]

awesome excerpt!...thanks foxs!! Love it when WXB starts risking his neck and playing the part of a hero!

[tweety365]

"There are too many dog Imperial Bodyguards in the Palace,” Wu Lishen said, “We can’t break out in the daytime, we’ll wait until night, you try to cut off the ox tendon binding our hands and feet, let us rush out and kill the enemy under the darkness.”

That doesn't sound like a very good plan. Thanks for the update, foxs!

That's why the themesong is this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vH1mzQSQLqA

A true classic! Also my favorite adaptation of Deer & Cauldron.

[athlonkmf]

well, i think you're better with translation than I am, so here's the lyrics.

在情在理 他心我心
不必爭論也懶問
為人為我 不必區分
一切事干 開心要緊
順緣順意 嘻哈半生
歡欣自會接近
自然入世 自己有自信
終此生 始終有鴻運
像風也像片云
樂得笑面對人
任上天引導我行
隨緣覓夢歡笑真
合情合理 開心稱心
一心想做快活人
未愁未怨 實在有自信
終此生 始終都會行運

As you can see, it fit the series so good. You can actually totally see WXB singing that song. Maybe that's one of the reason why that adaption has always been THE adaption.

(I especially love the opening scene, where each fall wxb get from the emperor (andy lau) would have wxb (tony leung) landing in a higher rank )