Hello all,
Been looking around at the different stories on the boards and I have to say that there are a lot of talented writers here. Now, I'm kind of inspired to throw my own hat into the ring (so to speak)
What I'm posting is just the prologue to my story...I want to get some feedback first before I continue on writing out the story (I actually got everything planned out)
I should point out that this is my first time posting up one of my works, so please be gentle
j/k be honest with the criticism...it's the only way I'll improve, so anyways hope you have fun reading it (hopefully, it won't put you guys to sleep )
Map of China (3 Kingdoms era):
http://www.threekingdoms.com/map2.htm
Skirmish at Yinping (Prologue)
A cloaked figure stood at the edge of a cliff near the outskirts of Yinping. From this vantage point he could survey the entire battlefield that lay before him. Twenty thousand infantry soldiers and Qiang tribesmen were fighting one another in the valley below. The sound of clashing metal was deafening and the screams of men dying could be heard every minute. He turned to the flag bearers and issued his orders.
"Signal the cavalry to begin their attack."
They nodded and began to wave their flags in intricate patterns. Moments later, a battle cry thundered across the valley and five thousand horsemen came galloping past the Qiang army and straight into the enemy. The Imperial soldiers did not even flinch. Instead, a wave of spearmen ran up to the front lines and kept the horsemen at bay.
As the battle unfolded before his eyes, he realized that his men were fighting less vigorously. Fatigue was starting to set in and the Qiang were losing hope. He quickly turned to one of his lieutenants.
"I'm going to go down there and join the skirmish. Morale will be the key to victory and hopefully my presence will bolster their resolve. You stay here and keep the camp in order."
The cloaked figure hastened down the cliff and into the battle with his sword drawn. A loud cheer rang out from the Qiang when he showed up and each tribesman started to fight with increased strength. Nevertheless, even with the presence of their general, they only gained a few inches in ground. The Imperial Army could not be pushed back.
"Morale is the key," he reminded himself. "I have to break their will to fight."
He scanned through the faces of everyone around him and quickly found the person he was looking for. A distance in front of him was Li Mao, Prefect and General of the South, one of four elite officers appointed by the Emperor to protect the kingdom. Li Mao, standing at six feet tall and brandishing his crescent-shaped blade the Green Dragon, was a man that invoked fear into his enemies, as well as his allies, through his mere presence on the battlefield. His numerous battlescars across his face and arms were a testament to his ferocity in battle. Stories even circulated around the taverns across the Empire that Li Mao himself was a reincarnation of a dragon killed long ago. The commander of the Qiang knew better than to believe in foolish fairy tales, Li Mao was an ordinary man and nothing more.
"Qiang dog! Cease this senseless rebellion! The reputation of Li Mao must have reached your ears over to the West, why continue to fight a battle that you have no hope of winning? Surrender and I may show you mercy!" sneered Li Mao.
The Qiang commander could only laugh. "You always were a bit self-absorbed in your own image. The only way you can stop me is by killing me."
"Then I will deliver your head to the Emperor."
The commander laughed again. "You can try. You will fail miserably, of course, but you can try."
Li Mao could not tolerate such insolence. "I am going to enjoy seperating your head from your neck."
And thus began a duel between Li Mao and the cloaked figure. The surrounding soldiers and tribesmen stopped abruptly to watch this clash of the titans. The duel continued for forty bouts with no clear victor emerging. Li Mao had never encountered an opponent who could match him equally, aside from the other three officers who were promoted with him.
There was one other, but it was impossible for this person to be him, he thought.
Thrust, parry, and slash, the exchange of blows continued on for three hours. With the added weight of the Green Dragon and his armour, Li Mao was starting to feel the effects of the prolonged fight and his movements began to slow. The Qiang commander saw this opportunity and slashed at Li Mao's throat. The edge of his sword connected and cut straight across. Li Mao tried to scream in pain but no sound came out, only blood. He fell off his horse and onto the dirt. Again he tried to speak, but more blood just spilled out. Yet the commander knew what he wanted to say and in the act of fulfilling a dying man's last wish, he removed his hood.
Li Mao could only form an expression of shock and recognition at the man that stood before him.
"You always were easily distracted in a fight, which left your left flank open for attack. I thought that you would have eliminated that weakness since I last saw you...what was it? Ten years ago? Has it really been that long?." He paused for a second. "How fitting it is that it will be my face that you will see before you die." With one more slash he cut Li Mao's head clean off.
After battle scene, the hooded figure is kneeling on the dirt, tired and short of breath.
"Make sure that all the dead from both sides receive a proper burial," he said to his soldiers followed by a tired sigh. He then turned his gaze towards the Eastern horizon.
"Tch, the Imperial army has not lost its military prowress. Conquering the entire area of Yizhou will take more time than I anticipated," he thought. He looked up at the sky and closed his eyes. Blood dripped down from his forehead, but he could not tell if it was his own or someone else's. He quickly glanced back at the carnage behind him and he realized how young some of the soldiers really were.
"Much blood will spill in the next couple of months. Will I be able to continue on?" he asked himself solemnly. A sense of hopelessness swept through him, but such a feeling was only fleeting as determination began to grow within him. "I will have to...I cannot fail...I will not fail." With this declaration to the heavens, he mounted his horse and rode back to the main camp. Rain began to fall and it seemed to him that the sky was weeping for the follies of Man.